It might have been best for me to reflect on these words a little more before writing my thoughts as they come to me... but then I'd be more of a Melancholic/Choleric, and not the Choleric/Melancholic I really am ;)
Last night I had my first phone appointment with a Catholic clinical psychologist recommended to me by another blogger. The two-hour appointment was supposed to be mostly my oral biography, so that the therapist could get to know me better. Toward the end of the two-hour session, he had given me more pearls of wisdom than I knew what to do with.
In particular the moment that struck me speechless (a rarity) was when he began speaking of my maternal heart - how ALL women have one, and all maternal hearts ache. He said that like Mary, I should allow my heart to be pierced right now, and allow it to truly bleed. He told me that Jesus is allowing me to decrease so that He can increase, and that, after all, "being open to life is not about being open to children;" rather, it is about being open to whatever Christ has in store for you.
For married couples, being open to life doesn't mean they will become pregnant. Being open to life doesn't mean they will adopt. It may, however, mean that the lives some couples conceive will be given right back to God after miscarriage or infant death. And for others, it may mean being open to the uncertainty that life will ever come in the form of a child. (For still others, it may mean a child WILL come when they are not planning to have one.) When we open ourselves up to being open to LIFE, we are becoming the most vulnerable we have ever been, precisely because we don't know where it will lead us.
"Being open to life is not about being open to children."
I am still wrapping my head around this... this... absolute goldmine of information! Open to life= Open to Jesus alive in your heart.
He went on to say that Mary is not called Our Lady of Joys, she's called Our Lady of Sorrows... yet in her sorrow, she had peace. At the foot of her son's cross, she had PEACE! Why? Because as much as her heart ached, she ALWAYS said "Yes" to God and to His will.
He then said "Don't you imagine that Mary desired more children after Jesus? Yet that wasn't God's will for her, and she was open to the LIFE of Christ in her heart..."
I honestly never thought about that before last night!!! Mary, Our Mother, desiring a house full of children! Yes!! I bet she did!! (Although, really, did she think she'd get a better child than Jesus Christ? Hehehe, talk about sibling rivalry... "Don't touch that, I've already asked you twice! Your brother Jesus never defied me...")
Being open to life. I thought I was... but maybe I have a lot further to go than I realized.
I am open to life... but am I ready to give my all back to Christ in order for Him to take root in my soul and flourish? Am I ready to ACCEPT the true Life that I am open to?
I think I may have said a dozen times last night to my therapist, out of frustration, "I wish I wasn't so human!!"
I feel like I am so close to a huge spiritual step...
I'm ready to take the plunge.