I've hated New Year's Eve pretty much my entire adult life. More than any other "holiday," it filled my childless heart with pain for days leading up to that dreadful countdown...
4, 3, 2, 1... WELCOME TO ANOTHER YEAR OF BEING STUCK IN PLACE!!!
This year has been a bit different.
While it's true that, when I finally became a mother, I almost simultaneously lost a husband and the family and dreams I'd always held so dear, I knew I still had much to be grateful for, most notably, Robbie. No pain is the same as infertility and childlessness was, for me. And I'm not saying no pain is as painful... it's just - different. Different because of the lessons I learned through those 8 years. Lessons about letting go of what I could never control. Lessons in humility. Lessons in love, in sacrifice, and in self-love and respect. Lessons in grieving and acceptance, and in living in the here and now, committed to moving forward no matter how bleak it may look at first glance.
And while 2018 may well be cast as one of the "worst" of my life, and the anticipation of this horrendous day has already been weighing on me since Christmas Day... today, that changed. Not magically. *I* changed it. I decided to look back on what made this year one of the best of my life, instead. And that's how I'm going to look at it, now:
In 2018, I...
Increased revenue in my business 125% over 2017
Joined a co-op with other Catholic home school families
Got to move in and live with my mother during the most crucial months, and help 24/7
Experienced my mom's transition Home up to the final day
Felt the awe of her funeral mass, and hold its perfection in my heart for always
Developed a closer, more emotional relationship with my father
Began to understand each of my sisters a bit better, and grew in respect for them
Watched as Robbie continues to learn about life, language, emotions, and Transformers :)
Met several new men, each of whom had an impact on my life in positive ways
Made a few new friends, including my mom's best friend, and began having regular coffee dates with her
Began singing again, with a small band
Learned what "Netflix & Chill" means (hey, this is important for a woman newly dating again in this age to know!!)
Got a place with one bedroom per person
Re-connected with an old best friend, a relationship I truly missed
Got some of the best therapy of my life, and 'graduated' in October (haha)
Had amazing spiritual direction, and conversations in confession
Experienced the Communion of Saints in the most amazing way through the Eucharist, and feeling my mother's physical presence
Launched my own grocery/health brand and its first product (details to follow on this one...)
So, 2018... I won't say you'll be missed, per se. Rather, I'll be bringing your gifts with me into the new year, and look very much forward to all the new ones in store for me then.
God Bless you all, and a Happy and Holy New Year!