Thursday, May 24, 2018


As per usual, I didn't get my act together Tuesday to post for St Rita's Feast Day - mah girl :) Forever grateful to J from St Rita's Roses for introducing me to her powerful intercession, and especially my affinity for everything bumblebee :)

St Rita has long been a warrior on my behalf, particularly throughout the latter half of my relationship as I clung to her example for marriage. She far exceeded her amazing connections to infertility and those who longed for motherhood, in my life, and she continues to be a strong intercessor for our family today.

And in that vein, I often go back to visit my past self, my past prayers, my past worries, and marvel at how stupid disillusioned I really was about my crosses (and their purpose) at that time. I remember thinking, and even blogging about how infertility was such an intense and soul-crushing pain as a Catholic, because when there is no soul to mourn as with miscarriage, there is no hope of reunification in heaven.  Even other Catholics or people of faith could find the tragedy in that, since they were often the same ones telling those who had lost children in utero that 'they will see them again in heaven.' Well, duh. Of course they will.

But where did that leave those of us who had never conceived? At some lower level of Heaven, where the joy and happiness was nice and all, cuz you know, Jesus is there and the Saints and Angels, but gosh darn it, look how happy all those OTHER people are, finally holding their babies in their arms, reunited with loved ones from their earthly lives... but, no no, we're good, we're in Heaven, so don't worry about us, we don't really care, I mean, who needs a baby in Heaven, really...??

And I swear to you, this thought PLAGUED me for years.

HOW could heaven be perfection if I wasn't a mother, *even there*???

I don't think it was one solitary moment in which I realized that I was putting an entirely too-human spin on Heaven, but rather multiple series of revelations that kept drilling home the point that God simply doesn't work that way. Our faith doesn't work that way. There is no competition in Heaven, no "This is great, but wow, look how great THAT looks, over there..." - no yearning or desiring anything better. And this is one of the great mysteries of our faith, because it is something our human, earthly minds just cannot truly reconcile.

But, it is similar to the argument about soulmates. That seems to be one more readily understood by Catholics, particularly those of us who are steadfast in our pro-life views. Think about it - imagine two souls *destined* by God to be together from before he formed them in their mother's respective wombs... only... oops, one of them was aborted. So now what?? The lost soulmate without a match is doomed to a life of misery until they are reunited with their mate in Heaven?

Of course not.

I am very glad that I was able to come to a place where I could reconcile that fear of a heaven that was still somewhat lesser than everyone else's heaven, while I was still infertile. I know that not every Catholic infertile is able to get there, but I hope if they are reading this, that it resonates.

Why do our souls yearn for heaven so? Not for reunification. As Catholics, we already have that, every time we receive the Holy Eucharist! We become that one Body of Christ, in communion with ALL THE SAINTS (i.e. every soul in heaven)! And so yes, the Sacraments all allow us a glimpse, a taste of heaven while we are stuck here on this earth trying to make sense of everything else, all the tragedy, loss, hatred, confusion, ugliness, injustice, pain and suffering... they are our lifelines to where we want to be - where we were designed to be - for eternity.

And that's my random thoughts for the week.

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