I am just over 11 weeks, today, and I actually made my bed this morning.
That is huge.
Because today, I finally felt less queasy. So, I did something productive.
Up until today, I have pretty much loafed around, not made any meals expect for the occasional Sunday brunch or quickie weekday dinner, and basically felt like butt any time I exert any, and I mean any, energy whatsoever.
Yes. First Trimester has been... yuck.
It has been a humbling experience, for sure. Because truth be told (and this won't come as any surprise to those of you who have read this blog for a while), I desired having children, but I never *really* desired pregnancy. It was the only area I felt like I had some control when the proverbial crap was hitting the TCIE household fan and all bets were off on the adoption/foster front, and so I became hell-bent on trying to control my fertility and have children the "conventional" way, when in the end, it honestly didn't matter to me HOW they came to me. I was a hot mess, and infertility and inadoption saw to it that I was humbled in ways I never, ever would have been, otherwise.
And now? As a Choleric who likes to get things done, get them done my way, and pretty much always know that if left to me, yes, the job will get done, and get done right... I'm discovering that pregnancy throws yet another humble pie right into that old stubborn face. I can't do anything. Walking more than 15 feet makes me pant like I ran a marathon.
It's been awful.
And... it's been absolutely, 100%, incredibly and gloriously A-MA-ZING.
I am LOVING that God is now using this perfect and tangible blessing to show me that, hey, guess what, Choleric TCIE? It's not about you! It's about the baby!! Unproductive? I don't think so! Your body is housing ANOTHER body that is rapidly and safely growing every minute of every day!! That is tough work!
So, who cares if I'm not making gourmet meals or running marathons? I am creating a home for my child to grow in, and that is really all that matters.
Plus, the silver lining may now be appearing as I near the end of the First Trimester. (How did that happen, exactly?? Crazy.) Maybe I'll be back in business in the kitchen soon, and maybe I won't. One day at a time, and I'm loving every disgusting, achy, blessed and beautiful minute of it :)