I'm pretty sure I let out an audible sigh. She asked if I noticed if my belly felt more "full" after my last adjustment, since she's been working on it. I said, come to think of it, yes, I feel pretty bloated! Then I continued to say, "I know my belly is weak... " And her response is exactly why I love her. She stopped me, looked right in my eyes, and said,
"No, it's strong! You have a ton of energy here. All the work you've been doing for yourself is helping, and my job is just to help that strong energy flow better to all the other areas of your body."
I could feel the tears welling up. Then she went on,
"The energy I feel in your belly feels like a baby, to me." (She does a lot of adjustments for pregnant women.)
Mind you, she wasn't feeling my uterus. It wasn't about that. She knew what she was saying, and I knew what she was saying. It clicked. The energy is there, it's alive and well, it's strong... and I need to nurture it.
I'm pretty sure a tear or two escaped onto my cheek.
Suddenly, my entire outlook changed. If there *were* a baby inside of me, wouldn't I nurture my body, helping the baby's body to grow and flourish? And yet, with no one else but ME inside this body (my "self"), I have been so quick to dismiss the nurturing necessary for my own growth, in more ways than one. I am so quick to think negatively towards my body, placing unrealistic expectations upon it, without backing those expectations up with the support it needs. What my body needs, like a baby, is patience, love, and nurturing.
And so where I was once headed towards another dark time of lost hope, lost identity, lost connection of body and mind, I have decided to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again :)
(PS. I heart Fred and Ginger. Especially this movie - Swing Time. Everyone remembers Ginger's dress from Top Hat with the feathers, but the dress she wears later in this movie is what inspired my wedding gown. OK, I may as well share that link, too - I LOVE this dance number!)