Adoption. The word alone brings up all of the memories of all of the previous times in our marriage we tried to grow our family this way, and all of the emotions surrounding it, both good and bad.
Lent and Holy Week were tough. By the time Easter arrived, we were so overjoyed to be out of the darkness, we didn't even realize our meeting was less than a week away. And the week went quickly. And neither of us mentioned a thing about it. I think we were both waiting for a monsoon or perhaps a meteor to hit New Jersey. Yet Friday arrived, in all of its 65-degree, sun-shining glory.
So Friday morning we decided to finally dig up the materials we had
We got in the car for the nearly 2-hour drive. Silently. We plugged the address into the GPS, while stopping for gas. Silently. We drove, first one highway, then the next. Silently. And the silence broke as the minutes turned into an hour and beyond... then the arguing began. "Why are we doing this? Where are our priorities? This is the dumbest thing we can be doing right now..." "But honey, we need an answer, one way or another. We agreed we can't go on in ignorance. It's really not all that blissful!" I felt sandwiched by fear, as it struck me from the driver's seat to my left, and burned into my thighs through the envelope on my lap. All I could do was pray, silently, and try to balance the immense stress that was building around me with the peace I felt inwardly.
While peaceful, I knew I was dreading the meeting as much as Mr TCIE. We do not have the best track record when it comes to luck, if you haven't been able to tell. We're more like, well... this:
We both knew we needed to do this. Once and for all - we needed to re-open that envelope on my lap with the arrest record and all of its unpleasantness, and with it re-open the never healed wound of our inadoption. The spirit was willing. The flesh? Not so much.
It was at that moment that I looked up, into the bright blue sky above us, and noticed not one, but several hawks. Hawks have long been a sign for me, ever since I saw 3 in one day in very unusual places - and decided to look it up:
"Hawk: Messenger. Hawk medicine teaches you to be observant, to look at your surroundings. Observe the obvious in everything you do. Life is sending you signals..."
Since that time, whenever I was at my lowest, or needed assurance that I was doing what I needed to do, God has provided me with this sign. Friday was no exception. This was our cue. We were in the right place.
We arrived at the office building with about 5 minutes to spare, and with about 50 Prayer Warriors ready to go with storming heaven at the hour of Divine Mercy.
We walked in, and our world changed forever...
Stay tuned for Part II