These three words have been flooding my mind, body, and soul every time I am about to receive Communion lately.
"You are enough."
And in those moments, right before I bow before the living Christ in the Eucharist, I fully believe them.
It's all of the moments preceding, and all of the moments following, where I get into trouble.
I remember so vividly an evening years ago, when we were still living at our old place, attending the old parish, sitting in Adoration on Holy Thursday, and feeling overwhelmed by the same thoughts: YOU ARE ENOUGH! I felt it - I knew it. No matter what happened in my life, I had Jesus, and He was all I needed.
But living that reality - especially when faced with pregnancy and birth announcements at the end of a cycle, or adoption announcements at the block wall of our inadoption- that is so much more difficult.
I suppose this makes sense. Isn't everything easier in the physical presence of Jesus? Ahhhh, I missed my calling as a janitor at a Perpetual Adoration chapel.
This Lent has not neglected its promises for increasing challenges and trials. We are in the midst of more uncertainty now, in many different ways. And I struggle to remember that my only true desire should rest in knowing that He is enough. Oh, how badly I struggle. My heart aches. I am human. I want what I want. And I want God to give it to me. How awful does that sound??
Now, out of the presence of the Eucharist, all I can manage to pray is "Help me to always know that You are enough." As I cramp. And spot. And ache. And cry. Help me, Lord. Help me to know...