Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Carrying the Cross
When a friend sent me this years ago, it made a lasting impression.
How often on this blog have I spoken about the cross of infertility, and made the argument that we need to carry our crosses with faith, hope, and maybe even grace? And yet, the idea, when you sit and really ponder it, always seems new. At least to me.
Like today. It was a Sorrowful Mystery day. As I drove to work, reciting my rosary, my mind was wandering (I'm not great at meditating, but at least I stayed "on topic" with my thoughts!) to what it meant to be a Sorrowful Mystery... I remembered my Catholic therapist's advice, to welcome sorrow, and to remember that sorrow is not the same as sadness. Sorrow is not the same as sadness. And so, a Sorrowful Mystery is not a Sad time in the life of Jesus, but one in which we can find faith, hope, and maybe even grace - just as we do in the Glorious, Joyful, and Luminous Mysteries.
This thought formed during the 4th decade - The Carrying of the Cross.
And in a new way, I began to reflect on how Jesus' carrying of His cross was indeed a mystery of faith, hope, and grace - He knew the end of that road. He knew He was carrying that cross only to be nailed upon it. And He embraced it.
I don't know if I ever really thought about the cross of infertility this way. I may have. But, just as God makes all things new, He allowed me to see it in a new light today, and experience something new out of the same, tired, old life situation. To experience the mystery of His cross differently.
Carrying our cross, and carrying it well (with faith, hope, and grace) can lead to our salvation. But first... it will lead to our crucifixion. Perhaps it made it easier for me to carry when I neglected to truly understand this important piece of information ;) Yet God brought me through it nonetheless.
So, we carry our crosses not just for the sake of carrying them. We carry them to an endpoint. Not a very pretty one, either. And yet, if we endure the journey... the Resurrection awaits us.
This Holy Week, I will experience this in a whole new way. And man, is this cross getting heavy these days. But I wouldn't have it any other way.