There is some stirring... and planning... and I feel like changes are coming.
I went to see a new Dr (a D.O.) a couple weeks ago, because despite a pretty great diet, I have just been so run down lately. It never occurred to me that, um, I should absolutely feel run down waking up at 5:15am every day, working through lunch most days, driving to, from, or between offices for 2 1/2 hours, and averaging about 9 hours of non-stop physical work. Now that I've realized the facts... I'm quite frankly surprised I'm not dead!
So, the Dr ran a lot of labs, will be further addressing my nutritional needs, did an osteopathic manipulation (while noticing my shoulders and neck were asymmetric and very tight... yes, that is where I store my chronic stress, Dr. There, and my uterus.), and did a quick kinesiology test. During the kinesiology, he spoke to me about some other lifestyle stuff (I think this is purposeful? - they don't want the patient to concentrate on what part of the body they are testing, maybe?) - and at one point he actually thought he had to remind me to resist his hand from pushing down my arm. I was surprised myself, because I was resisting really well until suddenly my arm dropped like a dead fly! He tried it again, and when the arm dropped immediately with no resistance, he then said, "That's your adrenals, by the way."
I already suspected as much. I have chronic stress. This should be no surprise to anyone who has ever met me, seen me in the past 2 years, or has read this blog. Chronic stress, accentuated with acute stress every now and again, just to keep things interesting. I do my best to hide it, to push through it, to never show "weakness." But, it has caught up to me. And I cannot, will not allow it to ruin my health. The health I have spent the last 6 years investing energy, time, and money into, to bring to optimal. Nope, naggannahappen.
And so, change. Change I need to implement. Change to save my health, to save my family and my marriage and my home/personal life. And change to save this blog. No, seriously. I hate not writing frequently! But the last thing I want to do when I get home after 13 hours of leaving home, is, well, anything. I usually just collapse on the couch like a slug, then drag myself up to bed after dinner which, if my husband doesn't prepare, isn't getting made. It is spiraling out of control, but for the first time, I have a lot of hope and a LOT of peace in the changes I hope to implement after the holidays.
And speaking of wanting to blog more, I am also going to make some changes around here! Hopefully in the next few weeks, you will no longer recognize This Cross I Embrace ;) Positive stuff, people. That's what I need.
And on Monday... well... on Monday we have something else big. Something Mr TCIE and I are both absolutely dreading and anticipating with excitement, all at once. Something hopeful and hopeless. Something new and old. Something most definitely humbling. But also, something we have agreed not to publicize at this time.
Most importantly, however, Monday could be the start of that something new that we have been looking for, for oh so long.