You know those Cym.balta commercials? The ones that make you want to shoot yourself by the end of it, even if you were having the best day of your life before it came on? "Who does depression hurt?" Everyone watching this commercial. You know it? Yeah, of course you do. You were probably online googling where to get Cym.balta so you could heal from the commercial, when you stumbled onto my blog.
Well, I began thinking about who infertility hurts. In the most obvious sense, the couple going through it is deeply and wholly hurt. Their closest family members and maybe even friends may feel a hurt for the couple, as well.
But I think just like the commercial implies... infertility hurts everyone. Even the dog. (I tell you, that gets me every time.)
It hit me while spending time with my ex-BFF and her 3 children at a college friend's wedding last month. Her oldest is 5. Same age my *oldest* should be. A little person... affecting those around her, interacting, sharing thoughts, learning... all of it. All of it that we have not. I began thinking about my 8 year old niece, and how having a cousin 3 years younger than her may have affected her life, for the better. She has a very chaotic life for such a sweet little girl... but, she will never know her cousin/s, because they just do not exist.
Which lead my thoughts to my older 15 year old niece and 1st goddaughter. Her life may, too, have been affected by having baby cousins to help take care of and foster her sense of nurturing as she becomes a young woman. She will never have that.
My sisters. Mr TCIE's sisters. How may they have been affected seeing their youngest siblings step into a role of maternal and paternal responsibility? How would their nieces and nephews change their life? We will never know. Our parents... I can't even go there.
I do believe, even if our families of origin and our friends, and even complete strangers do not feel that our infertility affects them... they are wrong. It does. Our infertility, your infertility... affects all of society.
There are PEOPLE missing. People. Not money. Not prestige. But people.
"Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"
My children aren't around. They never existed. How many holes has that left, in how many other lives??
This probably isn't the most uplifting post. For that I apologize. But these are the thoughts I have been wrestling recently, and I thought I would share them here.
The only way I can begin to reconcile this very depressing thought (anyone have any Cym.balta??) is to think that perhaps in the absence of these lives of my non-existent children, God has granted me the fortitude to affect more lives in a positive way than my children would have...? Maybe? Of course this is my human brain, trying to make sense out of God. Have I not learned anything, yet? ;)
Whatever the reason for it... whatever the outcome... I maintain that the answer to the question "Who does infertility hurt?" is, in fact, "Everyone."