I am really enjoying reading about all of you! Please continue sharing on my previous post if you haven't done so already!
I am halfway through my Novena to St Therese in the "Joy In Suffering" booklet. (I found it online for $3.50.) If there were any doubts as to why I'm not a Saint before... well, let's just say now there are NONE.
Reading this booklet is completely humbling. On Sunday, I read the reflections for that day right before Mass, and it stressed how St Therese felt that her suffering should be full of gratitude, peace, and joy, solely because that way Jesus could dwell in her in peace and joy. If her suffering took on a more torrid environment, a more chaotic appearance, then Jesus could not "rest" in her the way He should be able to. I had honestly never thought of it this way before. She said that we should be here to comfort Jesus, not the other way around. Wow.
So, I prepared myself for Holy Communion with these thoughts. Yes, my heart ached as I watched the young families around me, and knew I was just gearing up for my PMS week... but I let that aching translate into praise for God, and allowed myself to succumb to the peace deep within that ache.
When I got back to my pew, I knelt down, and seemingly out of nowhere, I envisioned not welcoming the Christ Man into my peaceful heart, but nurturing the Baby Jesus in my peaceful, maternal heart. I tell you - it took my breath away. It was perhaps the most powerful experience I've ever had at Mass. I felt completely at peace with the idea that I CAN BE A MOTHER WHENEVER I CHOOSE!! I can be that nurturing, peaceful, maternal heart for Baby Jesus every single time I receive the Eucharist!
Why did this never occur to me before??
It was surreal.
I know that if I never become a physical mother on this Earth, I'll suffer greatly, but it will be a suffering I can handle. Hopefully, I can handle it well. But I have discovered that no matter what happens, I am a mother. I need to continue honing my motherly skills, to strive to be the very best spiritual mother I can be, not just for the Child Jesus in the Eucharist, but for the Child Jesus in every child I encounter throughout my day.
This time is not just about waiting, and striving for life after death. It is about embracing the little pieces of heaven that we can achieve through our crosses while we're here.
And I can't wait to find the next piece.