I think I've finally decided what I will physically give to Mary at the end of the Consecration (Assumption, August 15th), to show her I truly am placing our fertility into her hands.
I will be giving Mary my Creighton Model charts.
I have not charted this cycle, and I will not chart this cycle. Depending on how my symptoms change or don't change (PMS, TEBB, obvious mucus changes, etc.) I may continue to not chart for the rest of the year.
I also will not give myself any ultrasounds.
This may not seem like a big deal, but for me to give over what little control I do have over understanding my fertility signs is pretty big. But I'm giving it a whirl. I don't want to stop charting indefinitely because there is a lot of information that I (and my Drs) can glean from the charting. But seeing as I won't be changing my diet again, or adding any new meds, I figure I'll be alright for the time being.
I already feel a huge weight off my shoulders!
Yesterday at Mass our priest's homily confirmed what we knew we had to do. He spoke about how each of the main players from each reading (Elijah, Paul, and Peter) had to put complete trust in God in order to hear His voice and allow it to resonate in their hearts. Peter did not lose faith when he stepped out of the boat onto the water, but rather, he lost focus. We must keep our focus on God at all times.
At the end of his homily, Father read the famous Footprints poem:
"One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.
This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.
The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
It doesn't matter how many times I've read that poem. It takes my breath away each time I get to the last stanza.
Father finished up by saying that when we are overwhelmed, and have that "sinking" feeling, it is then that we have to have the faith to hand it all over to God.
That is what I am doing now.