My life has been a whirlwind the past couple of days.
This morning, my aunt passed away. It really was a blessing that she went relatively quickly, because with Stage IV lung cancer it could have been SO much worse. Her suffering is over. My Uncle's, however, is not, and I would ask you to please keep him in your prayers.
I then got a call that sent me over the edge at about 5:00pm. My father went to the ER with chest pain. My mother drove him. They ran some tests and were waiting several hours to see a Dr. The pain subsided, and we all suspected a bad case of heartburn. Then they asked him to stay overnight. I broke down when I heard this, even though everyone assured me that's just "what they do" with any heart-related issues to be on the safe side. My mother-in-law kept saying the same thing - and she was a cardiac nurse for many years.
I called my oldest sister to talk to her about my recent depression and crazy thoughts. She is somewhat of an expert on the matter, since she suffers from bi-polar disorder. I asked her what I should do, where I should go - that I didn't want to be on antidepressants unless I truly needed them, and was worried a psychiatrist would jump right to that. She agreed and said that FIRST, I should get myself into a better zone right now, because this was NOT my usual self and it was ABSOLUTELY hormonal. She said if tomorrow I still feel like I need to seek help, what I want to find is a Clinical Psychologist. She knew exactly where I was coming from and it was refreshing to tell her some of my darkest feelings as of late, and to hear that they are totally normal for someone going these intense hormonal issues. (I was sad to hear about my aunt, for example, but was a basketcase in my car this afternoon moreso about stupid, petty stuff concerning myself. I felt unbelievably selfish on top of utterly depressed. Not a good combination. Thanks, Sew, for talking me off the ledge. Literally.)
Shortly after getting off the phone with my sister, I called my mother to let her know that my mother-in-law suggested that my father put pressure on the tips of each finger - it helps with the heart. My mother sounded like a mess, and it turns out, the cardiologist had just been in there, and he is going to do an angioplasty tomorrow morning on my father. Apparently, he had a heart attack and there is now a possible blockage.
I'll be leaving work tomorrow and driving straight to the hospital. I'll stay through tomorrow, and then Sunday's wake and Monday's funeral for my Aunt.
I seriously don't have any idea how to handle it anymore. I am praying for my period so that hopefully I'll have some reprieve of this insane anxiety and can better cope with things.
Dear God, please deliver me.