Ugh, the pitfall of blogging... writing/reading is not the same as seeing and hearing someone's soul through their spoken words.
My last post was misunderstood by many, and I just want to make a few clarifications. (I usually end up confusing myself and everyone even further when I do this, but here goes!)
We are one community in Christ. We are friends, supporters, helpers, pray-ers, confidantes, and sisters. But within this community there is a divide in our small little "circle" of Catholic Infertility. And as much as we want to reach out and tear down that great divide, it just can't be done. Luckily, we CAN reach across it, peak under it, hug over it, and send prayers through it. But it is, and always will be, there.
That was my main, and really only, point of yesterday's post. As I wrote:
"It's a question of relating. The haves can relate to the have nots because they were once there. The have nots cannot, and will never relate to the haves." Not because of lack of wanting, mind you.
My opening paragraph dealt with the article recently written about the Catholic Infertility Blogging Community, and in light of that article, I was putting myself in the shoes of a typical reader of that article, who then comes stumbling upon our community.
That is the mindsight in which I wrote the post - thinking from the point of view of a typical reader of our blogs.
Someone who just found out they may need to go on Lupron for their endometriosis, and they have been trying to conceive for 2 years, are 39 years old, and don't want to be forced into early menopause. As a Catholic, they quickly google Catholic infertility to find the article (perhaps), and then find our blogs.
For that reader, I find it most sensitive ON MY BLOG to keep the blog titles of the Pregnant and New Mommy blogs hidden. She probably would not be prepared to click on a "Catholic Infertility Support Blog" to find words along the sidebar about baby's first tooth and cloth diapering.
But the blogs themselves I keep proudly displayed and labeled, so that when a reader IS looking for a tale of hope, or just trying to "get lost" for a while in the joy of a new mother (and yes, believe it or not, we do that!), they will know exactly where they can go to find those posts. What I am trying to avoid for my readers is a "sneak-attack" upon entering what they feel may be an anonymous retreat to a land where everyone knows exactly how they are feeling.
That being said, in hiding the blog titles, I have accomplished what I wanted to accomplish for my readers (and myself, on the 2 days before AF arrives, i.e. right now, lol!) and therefore, NO ONE NEEDS TO CENSOR OR SHOULD FEEL A NEED TO CENSOR their blog titles, their blog pictures, their blog music, their blog whatever! That is YOUR space to go and talk about your feelings as you navigate the new crosses of your life. Additionally, do not feel like you are on the outside looking in, or that you have been ostracized because of your status on the Other Side. Once part of this community, always a part of this community (whether you like it or not, haha!) Goodness knows I NEVER plan to censor what I have to say, no matter what I am going through in life. Honesty is my policy, and I expect that from others, too!
The other misunderstanding that seemed to come from yesterday's post was that I was somehow hurting, or had been hurt, by those on the Other Side. I was a little surprised to see more than one commenter say something along the lines of "I'm sorry you're hurting," when I was feeling just fine :) Sometimes we are more sensitive than we need to be, but thus is the life of a Catholic.
In closing, I will share some amazing words of support sent to me by one of my new readers, who just happens to be a part of our Catholic Infertility Community (but doeesn't blog), and who also happens to be my FertilityCare Practitioner:
First, I want to say, your blog is a beautiful witness of the truth about infertility and your faithfulness to Christ. I just started reading it recently and it brought back a lot of the very painful feelings that I had before we adopted A (not saying this in a bad way), as well as the beauty of the Cross of infertility, and the strength it requires to carry it (though most of the time I felt crushed, I mean severely crushed, beneath the weight of it).
I wanted to comment on your last post but I feel like I need a "code name" so thought it'd be better to e-mail you.
I am one of the ones on the other side of the schism since we've adopted too. But I will say, I always felt the same way you did about other people getting pregnant, especially those who had been infertile for awhile. I will be honest with you too - a lot of the deep feelings of emptiness, hopelessness, painful longing - they fade after adoption / birth.
That being said, the HAVE bloggers knew your pain (and still have it sometime, though I won't go into that because you don't need to hear that) and they should empathize with what you are going through more.
Have you read Jennifer and Jamison Taylor's article on Babies Deserve Better? I'm sure by this point you have, but there are a few paragraphs worth reflecting on again and again (I come back to them often)....
"Given that children are the 'supreme gift of marriage,' it might seem strange to think of infertility as a blessing. No doubt, infertility contradicts nature’s intention. The gift of infertility, though, is one that transcends the natural order. It is a sign of divinity, of God’s power to bring life out of a situation where nature is powerless. In this way, infertile spouses are like empty vessels, vessels that can be filled only by the intangible gift of grace. Even more so than those who can have their own children, the infertile couple is called by God to be a channel of spiritual fecundity (CCC 2379). As such, these couples are a sign to the world that the fullness of life is found in the gift of love rather than mere physical existence."...
.... The physical and spiritual suffering caused by infertility is usually hidden. To use an analogy, the generosity of the couple who chooses to have a large family is like a brightly burning sun with beams that produce beautiful flowers that everyone can see and admire. While their love might shine just as brightly, the infertile family has no flowers of their own. Yet, as Fulton Sheen perceives: "There is no sign unless something happens contrary to nature. The brightness of the sun is no sign, but an eclipse is." Like an eclipse, the sign of infertility is incomprehensible without the gift of faith. It is a sign that is usually missed because it is veiled by disappointment and failure. But God is the master of bringing success out of failure and life out of death. If we allow God to reveal himself in the poverty of our infertility, he will give us a harvest of flowers more beautiful than we could sow on our own."
And there you have it... the HAVES are now the HAVE NOTS, and the HAVE NOTS possess God and His grace in a way that others never will.
Blessings, prayers and love your way,
Practitioner with the Mostest (she didn't really sign off that way, hahaha!)
So I hope everyone realizes where I was coming from now.
Have a lovely weekend! Love you all!