Wednesday, December 22, 2010

What a Difference A Day Makes

(I'm pretty sure I've used this exact blog post title once before... and I hate to repeat... hmmm...)

Really, though, between Monday and Tuesday, it was like the dark, dank, depths of Night and the glorious light of Day.

And that can ONLY be due to all of your comments, emails, thoughts, and most of all, prayers. I have NO IDEA how it worked so quickly, but it did. I feel like nothing ever happened. Which is miraculous!

Of course, I have not forgotten. I remember every single detail. (And thanks to my blog, I will have those details for the rest of my life.) But it seems like such a long time ago that it happened, as opposed to just two days ago.

I still haven't really figured out why I had to go through that. It makes no sense to me that compounded progesterone vaginal capsules of 400mgs would be stronger and last longer than intramuscular injections of progesterone at 2,000units, or hCG (the pregnant hormone) at 2,000units. Whatever.

I do have to say something. What my husband and I have been through, particularly over this past year, I honestly don't think we would have survived without this blog and all of you. I don't mean that we wouldn't be alive, but we would likely be separated, unstable, failing in mental and physical health, and/or in a clinic for treatment of depression. When bad things happen, I find that I am on the computer as soon as I'm physically able, to tell you all about it, and then I wait eagerly for God to speak to me through all of your comments. They soothe me in ways I can't explain; and they bring peace to my husband, as well, when I read them to him.

No matter how short and sweet, each and every comment means the world to us both. You brought us back to life in one day. I still can't get over that.

Thank you for being there for us.

A very Merry Christmas to you all.

- The TCWEs (Get it?)


Kaitlin @ More Like Mary said...

I get it :)

I'm glad the prayers are working! And just think, for every person that comments there are probably five more praying silently!

[email protected] said...

This post makes my heart happy! :)

I am telling you, there are good things in store for you and dh. Keep that hope going, girl!

barbie said...

I can't tell you how happy this post makes me. I truly hope you continue to feel the prayers we offer up for you and your hubby. We are constantly lifting you up and thinking and praying for you!

I'm glad the clouds have parted. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a GREAT 2011!

Second Chances said...

God is so good. He has a way of using us to heal one another. His graces just pour forth. I feel you specifically have received numerous graces from all of your work in FertilityCare, your persistence in prayer, your perseverence in medical treatment, and the financial and personal struggles you've had with your hubby. These things you've offered up (even if begrudgingly at times!) and God has showered you with His peace. You're a walking testament to His Goodness!!! Thank you for keepin' it real!

Karey said...

I'm so glad you feel better! And I know exactly what you mean about the comments. Sometimes when I'm down I force myself to post because I just know the comments will lift me up so much. There's nothing like it.

Chasing said...

Glad things are better!

Cathy said...

Get it?
I love it!


The Comeaus said...

This brings tears to my eyes. Like everyone else, I am so glad you're feeling better.

I still say that the rose from St. Therese is probably the best thing that's happened to you all year! It might sound cruel, but after your last post I was SO happy and excited for you, even knowing you were suffering, because a response from God in this way is a sure sign that things are being set in place for you. St. Therese has not steered you wrong; the experience may be confusing, but she is no deceiver and she is pulling strings for you. :) I hope you kept that rose as a keepsake!

You inspire me every time you post. I can't imagine how I would have come to the appreciation of suffering that I now have if I had never found your blog. I mean it. YOU are the one who taught me, through what you write, how to really apply my faith in redemptive suffering to my own situation. I knew it, but could hardly do it. You taught me that Jesus didn't hide from His pain; He felt it, He wept, He groaned, He sweat blood. So why should I try to hide my pain from God?

The first time I came here, several months ago, I saw that you called your infertility a blessing. Honestly, I thought, "Not me! I wish I could understand that!" I can truthfully tell you that last month, I was given the grace to finally understand, and I burst into tears and said, all of a sudden, "Thank you, Lord, for this gift." Not that He causes or wishes my infertility, but that He has used it to bless me abundantly in other ways and deepen my relationship with Him. I owe this awakening to you!

In a word, you've helped me be real with God, and that, in turn, has given me the freedom to never feel bitterness toward Him anymore. I can't thank you enough for that, and I consider finding your blog as one of the best things that happened in 2010....and there weren't many!

Merry Christmas to you, Mr. TCIE and all your loved ones. May the newborn Jesus fill your heart with peace and let you know that He really is all we need.

Anonymous said...

I like it ... and sending you Christmas hugs. It's amazing to think of how God can work through our comments, I never thought of it that way before!

some how, some way, some day said...

Prayers are very powerful! And the prayers won't be stopping any time soon. Have a Merry Christmas!

Hebrews 11:1 said...

I must agree, the bloggers are awesome! I feel that way about all the comments too. I've never felt so close to people that I've never even met! And I am so glad you are feeling better. And Kaitlin is right...think of all the people praying who you don't see in the comments. We may not be the best at fighting our own battles sometimes, but we are sure great at storming Heaven for each other!!

Julie said...

I am so glad that God is healing your heart!

Praying for you to have a Happy Christmas with your husband!

Anonymous said...

So happy you are feeling better!

The blog world is pretty darn amazing for lifting our spirits :). Hoping you and your hubby have a wonderful Christmas!

My Heart Exults said...

Your blog is not only comforting to you, but to others as well. I love it. Thank you for posting, for keeping up with, and being so honest and detailed with your blog. The comments transcend and help us all. You are right: the words of the Mystical Body of Christ!

Hafsa said...

I'm so glad you found peace through the comments and emails. I will continue to pray for you.

Little JoAnn said...

I am sorry I have not been able to post until now...I want you to know something positive in all of this...

THAT THE COMPOUNDED PROGESTERONE IS WORKING ON YOU...that your receptors are "turning on!"

It took COMPOUNDED PROGESTERONE FOR ME the other varieties didn't turn on my receptors.

SO, this is a very very very very good THING...

Dr. Check's nurses describe it as "sucking up all the Progesterone" in a good way...if it caused a delay in your PERIOD than YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY girlfriend. Dr. Check thinks 4 -5 months of this intense Progresterone therapy is where it's at. Look at his research article on-line about this.

SO, I while crazy mad that this wasn't THE MONTH, am also HAPPY AND OVER THE MOON that the PROGESTERONE delivered in this mode is DOING ITS STUFF!

YEP! And, now over the next few months maybe figure out what's the best way to get each ovary to pop out an egg (without overdoing it of course) AND KEEP THIS PROGESTERONE COMPOUNDED GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOINNNNGGGG!

(I also ADORE CRINONE--another vaginal variety) another SUPER DUPER GOOD!!!!!!!!!

But it is PRICEY.

HEY, I did BOTH... the compounded AND Crinone then once pregnant threw in the pill form AND the shots.

I am so glad you are still tweaking things and finding what works for YOUR BODY.

If you can ALSO take progesterone to the point that it makes your SUPER SLEEPY and your boobies hurt, then you HAVE HIT UPON A GOOD DOSE!!! Sometimes I took it THROUGHOUT THE DAY because I KNEW I NEEDED IT...

Little JoAnn said...

I say go gong ho on progesterone therapy. I think you need it now and it may be a MAJOR MAJOR issue.

Dr. Beer's book talks about Progesterone Receptors getting worn out and you know what kills them? Depression! Yep, depression and chronic depression and a lack of serotonin and dopamine etc kills progesterone BIG time and when the progesterone receptors are killed or dull the endometrial lining just can't hold and attach that little egg onto itself.

Dr. Beer even has some women take anti-depressents but I think they stink in general and if there is to get raise your serotonin and dopamine yourself (NO SUGARS NO CARBS, DARK CHOCOLATE, SUNSHINE, VIGOROUS EXERCISE, MEDITATION, VITAMIN B complex, Vitamin E and Vitamin D, and BEING HAPPY) then this is the best way.

But the link between serotonin and progesterone is fascinating.


He has articles about it on his website. Dr. Check that is.

Lovin' what I am hearing.



Christina @ Faith for Fertility said...

I have to agree with JoAnn...this is a GREAT sign! When I read your post the other day, although I was sad that you were disappointed I could not be more happy to hear that your body is responding wonderfully to the progesterone! Such great news! Keep the hope! You have my prayers.

Merry Christmas!

Danya @ He Adopted Me First said...

So glad your feeling better. I remember thinking with every period's arrival and after my great disappointment, "well that means it's the beginning of a NEW cycle and another chance." You just never know. Blessings on you both!!!

Suzie-Q T-Pie said...

I get it! Love it! Merry Christmas!! :)

... said...

I am (and we are) grateful for you, too.

Merry Christmas and God bless you and DH.

JellyBelly said...

The JB's love you very, very much! Merry Christmas!

Mary said...

So grateful for you... and so glad the cloud is lifting. I'll continue to pray for you!

Sissy said...

I'm so glad the cloud has lifted a little and I'm sorry you had to go though that. I thought I was pregnant last week as well, but my test was negative too. My cycle is always crazy and I never know when to expect AF. Someone at work mentioned that I had been glowing lately and I thought, well, maybe. Maybe not. :) Anyway, mine was a much shorter roller coaster but I was still sad not to get the positive results.

Hang in there, TCIE.

Anonymous said...

You didn't "go through" anything that wasn't self-inflicted. You allowed yourself to indulge in a fantasy of a pregnancy even though you tested negative, and quite frankly, I think you need therapy. You're becoming seriously delusional, Amy...

The Comeaus said...

Ha, if you're "delusional" for thinking you're pregnant despite having a negative pregnancy test and need therapy for that, then we are all delusional and we all need help!

You know, I have a dear friend who tested negative for over FIFTY days before finally testing positive with her second child. She had many of the signs of pregnancy, but every test was negative until then, yet she was pregnant all that time. This was just last year and it's absolutely true.

Every woman who knows stories like this wants to believe, "Well, maybe I'm one of the few that would happen to."

TCIE, I am delusional too! I'm with you on that one! ;) I guess I need therapy, too, for hoping against hope, especially when my body gives me clear signs that are easy to mistake.

Do I agree with some of the comments expressing anger at God about your experience? No, although I understand that those people are just expressing their solidarity with you. Your progesterone worked well, and that's a good thing! The sign from St. Therese is a matter for hope. I think God deserves much better than our blame, especially at this time of year.

But who could ever be so heartless as to actually blame a woman for "indulging" in a hope? We all do it!

Merry Christmas again. And keep that hope alive.

Anonymous said...

Clearly you didn't read what she did. She got a negative test, TOLD HER HUSBAND SHE WAS PREGNANT ANYWAY, started talking to a non-existent child, and then SHE broke HIM when she had to tell him she really wasn't pregnant.

Seriously, she's on drugs to extend the luteal phase, which does NOT mean conception or indeed pregnancy will occur at all. All it means is the phase is extended.

She's totally losing it and needs a therapist on the double. Signs in roses? Clutching at straws, more like.

Monica said...

Wow. I'll just say it- anon, you are a bitch. Bah humbug. You think TCIE needs therapy. Do you think calling her delusional is particularly supportive or theraputic?

TCIE, someday, you will get that phone call announcing that a baby has been hand picked for you, or you will see that faint second line, and you will relive this day, and that feeling will never end. You are already a mother in your heart, and someday, a child will find you.

Cecilia said...

Amen, Monica. It needed to be said. Anon, you have serious problems. You're a remarkably ill-informed, ignorant, and angry person. I'd rather bear the pain of infertility than live in your sad, bitter little world. You must not have much going on in your life if you have nothing better to do than come to a blog of a "delusional" woman and spout your nonsense. Still waiting for your explanation of your atheism. Crickets.

TCIE, I'm so happy to see this post. My heart hurt for you and Mr. TCIE. And I agree w/ the commenter on the original post (maybe the misfit?) who said that your continued capacity to really believe like that is amazing. The pain you went through is a testament to your faith. Despair is easy. Hope is hard and makes you vulnerable, but that's what God asks us to strive for. You guys were in my prayers on Christmas!

The Comeaus said...

And Anon, you're actually the one clearly not reading what's written on this blog:

"I smiled at DH, because we knew God was telling us we didn't NEED the 'positive' sign of the home pregnancy test to inform us of what we already knew in our hearts."

Mr. TCIE did know about the negative test but was hoping against hope, too. It was something they mutually hoped for and mututally suffered about. You ought to be more careful before passing judgment.

If you had actually read any previous posts, you'd know that TCIE has been in therapy, actually. She wrote about it not many months ago. In fact, I can't ever remember reading about her NOT confronting her problems. I admire her for that courage, much of which I myself lack.

Perhaps you, too, have suffered deeply but you chose despair? It seems you are missing out on so much in life. You may not agree with someone's beliefs or their way of going about things...but to deliberately attack them?

Megan said...

I love this post too! You are amazing, and your willingness to let God's graces work in your life is just as important as our prayers! :) You and your DH are obviously so very loved by God and by me and all the bloggers! :) Merry Christmas!

[email protected] said...

Wow, I just now came back to see the evil comments of anon. How sad for her. Let us pray for her to find peace and joy.

sweet jane said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sweet jane said...

Speaking of therapy... I wonder, Anon., if you can bear to honestly (and privately) examine your reasons for reading and posting criticisms here.

TCIE, Glad you changed things around to eliminate the bitchy interruptions. She was becoming a bit of a Scott Farkas...y'know, Christmas 'n all...

I've registered to keep in the loop. Congrats on the house!