So, I am going to jump the gun a little on revealing my secret Summertime Prayer Buddy, but only because I will be gone most of the day tomorrow and I don't want her to have to wait and wonder.
I had the amazing privilege of praying for the woman who I consider to be my guardian angel here on earth. I am constantly talking about her in my home, and my DH only knows her as "My Catholic Cheerleader," because whenever I was close to giving up, she was there to push me onwards and upwards. I didn't even meet her on the blogs, but rather on a catholic y.ahoo fert.ility group. But I knew from the moment I read her first message that she was a woman more determined, more motivated, and more persevering than any I had yet encountered. She was my hero.
And so I set out to pray for all of her intentions this summer. I added her name and her family's name in my book of intentions at Mass, lit candles, and offered the St. Ann Novena for her. But most of the time that I was praying, I was wondering if my prayers even mattered at all. It seemed, to me, that this awesome woman who deserved so many blessings, had all the blessings she could handle. And it wasn't my doing, certainly wasn't my prayers that put her in that place. So, what exactly was I to pray for?
I set out to pray simply that all of the desires of my Prayer Buddy's heart would be fulfilled. It truly made my heart melt to read one of her recent posts about her "Perfect Day" out with her miracle daughter and husband, with new miracle growing inside her. I was beyond elated for her.
And then the impossible happened.
My Prayer Buddy lost her baby.
I couldn't handle the news. I tried to reach her, but knew she probably wasn't ready to talk about it. So I called Sew Infertile instead, and cried to her over the phone. I just couldn't understand why this would happen to someone who had already been through SO MUCH. And to top it off? I was mad at God. Yes, I was so angry that not only was He refusing to answer any prayers that I offered for myself and my own intentions... but now He was showing that He had no concern for the prayers I had been offering daily for my Prayer Buddy. It was extremely painful to feel both the pain of my dear friend's loss AND the pain of knowing God does not hear me.
But Sew explained to me that now, more than ever, my Prayer Buddy would NEED me and my prayers. It opened my eyes when she said this. I was still so upset that prayers would be needed in this regard to begin with, but I set out to pray harder than I'd ever prayed before for this precious soul and her unborn child's soul in heaven.
I'm not sure if my prayers have helped her in the least. I feel like someone else's prayers may have been stronger, may have been more powerful than mine, and maybe they could have helped to prevent this horrific loss. But one thing is for sure. My Prayer Buddy has changed my life in so many ways, and I will never stop praying for her as long as I live, which is the least I can do to show my gratitude for what she has done for me.
Little JoAnn, I am so so so sorry that my prayers for you were not enough to help you bring your baby into the world. No one should have to endure what you have, and your strength just amazes me. May God continue to bless your family, and may your Baby Sweetness smile down on (her) family always, knowing exactly how much (her) mommy loved (her).
God Bless you on this Feast of the Assumption of our Blessed Mother.