A dear friend - the mother of my due-in-January godchild- sent me a beautiful plaque in the mail that reads:
Faith is not believing that God Can. It is knowing that He Will.
I have it sitting near my computer now... a place where I do most of my reflecting.
These words have finally hit me, and hard. I have continually been saying to myself and to anyone who will listen that I have faith that God can do anything and everything, it's just that I don't have faith that He WILL do it for me.
Well then, where I've been proclaiming to have faith is not really faith at all, is it?
But how is an infertile, with a slew of medical issues and closed doors to every avenue of adoption, to believe and have faith that God will make me a mother?
It is incredibly difficult- but I've decided I am ready to put my faith in faith. I believe God can do it... and I believe He WILL do it.
The same friend who sent me the plaque also sent me a text message about her daily Mass gospel and homily. It was about the woman whose daughter was possessed, and who begged for Jesus to help her - Jesus ignored the woman until she cried out, "Even dogs get scraps from the Master's table!" At this, Jesus healed her daughter.
The point of this story is to bring to light how powerful faith can be - even for we who are nothing here on earth - we can have faith that God will come to our aid and answer our prayers.
I don't have to be able to see how God will answer my prayers. And that's where I think I was getting stuck in the past. The how is not for me to know, or even to worry about. Neither is the when, the where, or the why. (How often have I yelled "Why??" towards heaven in desperation?) Faith doesn't bother itself with any of that. Faith is blind. Faith is pure, without strings attached.
I had some beautiful insights and comments given to me on my last post, and it really has brought me to a better understanding of my faith. No one knows the whys - not just me! But it doesn't matter what the circumstances are, I know that God will prevail in all of the circumstances in my life right now. His will be done.
I have faith that God will heal me and my husband, in every sense of the word, and that He will grant the desires of our hearts to live out our vocation as parents.
And you know what? With faith on my side, I don't even care about the how. OR the why :)