Thursday, August 5, 2010


A dear friend - the mother of my due-in-January godchild- sent me a beautiful plaque in the mail that reads:

Faith is not believing that God Can. It is knowing that He Will.

I have it sitting near my computer now... a place where I do most of my reflecting.

These words have finally hit me, and hard. I have continually been saying to myself and to anyone who will listen that I have faith that God can do anything and everything, it's just that I don't have faith that He WILL do it for me.

Well then, where I've been proclaiming to have faith is not really faith at all, is it?

But how is an infertile, with a slew of medical issues and closed doors to every avenue of adoption, to believe and have faith that God will make me a mother?

It is incredibly difficult- but I've decided I am ready to put my faith in faith. I believe God can do it... and I believe He WILL do it.

The same friend who sent me the plaque also sent me a text message about her daily Mass gospel and homily. It was about the woman whose daughter was possessed, and who begged for Jesus to help her - Jesus ignored the woman until she cried out, "Even dogs get scraps from the Master's table!" At this, Jesus healed her daughter.
The point of this story is to bring to light how powerful faith can be - even for we who are nothing here on earth - we can have faith that God will come to our aid and answer our prayers.

I don't have to be able to see how God will answer my prayers. And that's where I think I was getting stuck in the past. The how is not for me to know, or even to worry about. Neither is the when, the where, or the why. (How often have I yelled "Why??" towards heaven in desperation?) Faith doesn't bother itself with any of that. Faith is blind. Faith is pure, without strings attached.

I had some beautiful insights and comments given to me on my last post, and it really has brought me to a better understanding of my faith. No one knows the whys - not just me! But it doesn't matter what the circumstances are, I know that God will prevail in all of the circumstances in my life right now. His will be done.

I have faith that God will heal me and my husband, in every sense of the word, and that He will grant the desires of our hearts to live out our vocation as parents.

And you know what? With faith on my side, I don't even care about the how. OR the why :)


Danya said...

I agree completely. This cross you bear is an opportunity to actually exercise your faith, and to banish your fears and worries. So challenging, but you are doing it so beautifully! Thank you for being an amazing witness of faith in action!

prayerfuljourney said...

I have a plaque that says that too. It's a nice reminder of WHO is really in control. Mine sits on the mantle above our fireplace. I share those words with all who come to my house.

C. said...

Such a beautiful post! In fact, it brought nearly brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for reminding us all to "put faith in faith".

Thankful said...

This post was a joy to read... that must be some friend to know you so well. :) The words on the plaque are so perfect, too.

Jeremiah 29:11 said...

Praying for you... you are such a strong lady! I will pray that your faith will continue to increase.

Hebrews 11:1 said...

Beautiful!! Thanks for writing this--what a great post. You have the strongest faith of anyone I know.

On an unrelated note, I had a dream last night where I found out that we were long-lost sisters. How weird is that? :-) Must be the fact that we are both Yankee fans. It unites us. :-)

Sew said...

Sounds like some friend. ;)

Ahhh, The homily also stated that God is asking us to presevere in faith and He is testing our faith....It is so much easier to understand that in hindsight. I am a horrible sufferer hence some blog posts I have had to delete and hopefully you have forgotten my tirades. ;) :) But that is what friends are for! ;)

Even if a mustard seed of faith of receiving scraps from the masters table should cross your heart, I think that is HUGE! ;) Which I know they do....Even if you don't believe it, I know it is on your heart. I think it is easier to just say God won't help me because believing stretches you farther then what you feel like you can be stretched! ;)

I just absolutely LOVE that reading! It is my most favorite reading of all!

Your Godbaby is one lucky baby! ;)

Awaiting a Child of God:) said...

What a wonderful realization! God bless you sweetie. Do you know how happy this makes our Lord? He is smiling down right now after hearing you say this. This expression also reminds me of my faith and how I need to work on that aspect of my life as well. THANK YOU!

Anonymous said...

I spend a lot of time on the hows and whys as well.
I love this post - you are very strong!


Angela said...

I think it's beautiful when we have these self-realizations AND more importantly, take steps towards God when we see that we are lacking in some areas. This is a great reflection... and also, I know it's not about the "why's" but God is working incredible things through you and your blog because of what you have gone through/are going through. You just have no idea how many people you touch...God is using all of that for good! You are truly His tool, and what better hands to be in than the Father's!

Second Chances said...

That's so cool because my hubby and I have been on this huge "believe" kick lately. We've had some financial struggles (go figure - see my last post:)) and we keep saying that we can have faith in God but we have to BELIEVE that he will come to our aid. And He will - and to yours too. BELIEVE!!!

mrsblondies said...

Great post. That plaque is wonderful. I definitely understand the feeling not believing that he WOULD do it for me. I was feeling that way as recently as last week.

I love how faithful you are and how you share it with us.

Amazing Life said...

What a wonderful friend you have :)

I do want to say that your faith is lived out everyday when you are pulling on your big girl panties and facing another day - with that bright smile and happy spirit!

I do believe that God has a miracle in mind for you and your husband and only in His time with it come! In all of the stress you are under, I find you to be most courageous!!! You have such a great legacy to pass on that I just have to trust that your faith in God's great mercies will lead you there!!

Amy @ This Cross I Embrace said...

Amazing Life- big girl panties had me rolling on the floor!!!!! Hahahahahahahaha!!!!

JellyBelly said...

I need to get me one of those plaques!!! That's quite a friend you have there TCIE! ;)

Your faith is such an inspiration to me. I know that your rewards will be great. I know it.

Continuing to pray for you!!!

barbie said...

A sister in law bought me a plaque with that saying on it for Christmas. I though it was something I needed to work on........:)

I truly deeply believe that something wonderful will come out of this suffering of yours.

Praying for you, as always.

[email protected] said...

Your faith has CHANGED people's lives! You are an amazing witness, and God will reward you tenfold, there is no doubt. It's not an "if" but a "when" and then He will blow you away!

JF said...

Since we're not talking on the phone much lately, I just re-found your blog and read up on things. I'm so happy to see this last entry, and I'm awed and inspired by the strength of your faith. I also have faith that you will have a baby eventually, and that God is answering your prayers in His way. This long, painful, seemingly hopeless struggle you're pulling your way through by God's grace is going to change you in ways that will effect what kind of mother/wife/woman you are. How many mothers are able to understand or teach their child something like your last entry explains?
I love you.
-Big Sis

Blessed and Broken said...

random thought I just had over dishes...congratulations on overcoming secondary godchildren IF. ;-)