I think DH and I are entering a new phase of our lives. One that doesn't revolve around "getting a baby at all costs."
We recently cancelled his appointment with Dr P, the urologist at Cornell-Weill, because they didn't accept our insurance and we are absolutely BROKE right now. And you know what? Neither of us were really upset about the cancellation.
This was a real wake-up call for me. I haven't stopped TTC altogether, that's for sure. But I'm really not focused on it much. I realize at this point it's just a matter of miracle (I bet you thought I was going to say time, right?). But my recent appointment with Dr Check would prove that it will actually take a miracle to get me pregnant.
At my first appointment with Dr Check, he did a "smear" of my cervical cells to see if the progesterone in my body had converted the cells. My cells were so highly estrogenized, and not at all progesteronized, that he suspected I had not ovulated yet. I KNEW my period was coming the next day. He said, "If that's so, then your body is WAY off." Sure enough, my period came the next day. Additionally, an ultrasound at this same appointment revealed that my uterine lining (endometrium) was still a triple-stripe proliferative stage lining. It had not converted to the secretory stage lining. I saw it myself, and was very confused. I thought, well, maybe because it's the first cycle after surgery and my body is just off.
But Friday, I was P+10, and got the exact same results. There was an irregular-bordered cystic structure with internal echoes (suggesting corpus luteum) on my left ovary... BUT the lining was still proliferative. And the smear revealed not very progesteronized cells. (And this is while on 600 mgs Prometrium daily.)
I know I probably should have cried after these results. I got a phone call from the nurses the next day with my blood results, saying I was not pregnant and could stop taking my progesterone... but NO MENTION of what type of treatment Dr Check suggested to combat this problem my body is seemingly having "converting" my progesterone at the progesterone receptors in my lining and my cervical cells.
So I guess it's not fixable??
The weird part is, I didn't shed one tear. I've just sort of accepted it. My lot in life is to be childless, so why would I think any amount of surgeries, injections, and medications would change God's will for me? I have been so naive.
Of course, I am still going through the motions of TTC... taking my supplements, going next week to try a "Mayan Abdominal Massage," using fertile days, etc. It's all I know. It's hard to break such a long-standing habit.
But as for entering a new phase, DH and I somehow got on a house hunting kick this weekend. I think it was Thursday that I spent all day on the computer researching foreclosure properties, and then the next day we went to see a bunch of them ourselves. We also contacted an agent about a property we drove by, and she showed us 4 places Saturday morning. Finally, late Friday night, DH took out this old brochure he had picked up at Dunkin' Donuts of all places, and showed me an old Victorian home listed at $250,000. WTH?!! (We thought.) That's too good to be true, right? It must need a lot of work. But we called and got an appointment to go see if Saturday afternoon.
We. fell. in. love.
My FIL came along, which was really nice of him - he not only has 30+ years of construction/contracting experience, but he also used to be the Building Inspector for 3 counties in our State for many years!! He was looking for things I had no idea even existed.
All 3 of us were just in AWE of this house. It has SUCH CHARACTER, I can't even stand it. Here I was thinking my "dream home" would be one of these newer model homes, open floor plans, etc... but I surprised myself with how I can look past stuff like pink carpeting and wood paneling to see the potential a beautiful home can offer.
This house is an estate, so we're thinking the price is low due to that fact. There was an older woman living there alone for many years, and she kept it impeccable.
Now, before I show you the pictures, promise you'll see it with the same set of eyes as us!! (We will absolutely be renovating, but keeping it as Victorian as possible! Can't wait to go buy a clawfoot tub!!)
Here is our potentially new- old house:
There's also a basement, so there are 4 levels of living in this home.
We are going to see 2 other similar houses for similar prices today. They are more updated on the inside, but do not have fireplaces. (Can I just tell you that DH was giddy as a schoolgirl when he saw the brick fireplace in the kitchen? For those who remember, he's a classically-trained Chef, and is so excited to cook in the fireplace in the kitchen!! And I am SO EXCITED to clean up after that! Note sarcasm.)
So... the next several years of our lives may be consumed with renovating our Victorian home, which is pretty amazing. Let's hope we can get approved for a mortgage at a good rate, and all that good stuff...
And this morning, we will be attending Mass at what may be our new parish. It just HAPPENS to be St. Joseph's :) St. Joseph is, I have a feeling, going to be hugely instrumental in this next phase of our lives, as we both are hoping for jobs to come through soon, as well as the home. (Though we're not selling, just hoping to buy.)
What do you think of the house? :)