Sunday, August 29, 2010

Entering a New Phase

I think DH and I are entering a new phase of our lives. One that doesn't revolve around "getting a baby at all costs."

We recently cancelled his appointment with Dr P, the urologist at Cornell-Weill, because they didn't accept our insurance and we are absolutely BROKE right now. And you know what? Neither of us were really upset about the cancellation.

This was a real wake-up call for me. I haven't stopped TTC altogether, that's for sure. But I'm really not focused on it much. I realize at this point it's just a matter of miracle (I bet you thought I was going to say time, right?). But my recent appointment with Dr Check would prove that it will actually take a miracle to get me pregnant.

At my first appointment with Dr Check, he did a "smear" of my cervical cells to see if the progesterone in my body had converted the cells. My cells were so highly estrogenized, and not at all progesteronized, that he suspected I had not ovulated yet. I KNEW my period was coming the next day. He said, "If that's so, then your body is WAY off." Sure enough, my period came the next day. Additionally, an ultrasound at this same appointment revealed that my uterine lining (endometrium) was still a triple-stripe proliferative stage lining. It had not converted to the secretory stage lining. I saw it myself, and was very confused. I thought, well, maybe because it's the first cycle after surgery and my body is just off.

But Friday, I was P+10, and got the exact same results. There was an irregular-bordered cystic structure with internal echoes (suggesting corpus luteum) on my left ovary... BUT the lining was still proliferative. And the smear revealed not very progesteronized cells. (And this is while on 600 mgs Prometrium daily.)

I know I probably should have cried after these results. I got a phone call from the nurses the next day with my blood results, saying I was not pregnant and could stop taking my progesterone... but NO MENTION of what type of treatment Dr Check suggested to combat this problem my body is seemingly having "converting" my progesterone at the progesterone receptors in my lining and my cervical cells.

So I guess it's not fixable??

The weird part is, I didn't shed one tear. I've just sort of accepted it. My lot in life is to be childless, so why would I think any amount of surgeries, injections, and medications would change God's will for me? I have been so naive.

Of course, I am still going through the motions of TTC... taking my supplements, going next week to try a "Mayan Abdominal Massage," using fertile days, etc. It's all I know. It's hard to break such a long-standing habit.

But as for entering a new phase, DH and I somehow got on a house hunting kick this weekend. I think it was Thursday that I spent all day on the computer researching foreclosure properties, and then the next day we went to see a bunch of them ourselves. We also contacted an agent about a property we drove by, and she showed us 4 places Saturday morning. Finally, late Friday night, DH took out this old brochure he had picked up at Dunkin' Donuts of all places, and showed me an old Victorian home listed at $250,000. WTH?!! (We thought.) That's too good to be true, right? It must need a lot of work. But we called and got an appointment to go see if Saturday afternoon.


We. fell. in. love.

My FIL came along, which was really nice of him - he not only has 30+ years of construction/contracting experience, but he also used to be the Building Inspector for 3 counties in our State for many years!! He was looking for things I had no idea even existed.

All 3 of us were just in AWE of this house. It has SUCH CHARACTER, I can't even stand it. Here I was thinking my "dream home" would be one of these newer model homes, open floor plans, etc... but I surprised myself with how I can look past stuff like pink carpeting and wood paneling to see the potential a beautiful home can offer.

This house is an estate, so we're thinking the price is low due to that fact. There was an older woman living there alone for many years, and she kept it impeccable.

Now, before I show you the pictures, promise you'll see it with the same set of eyes as us!! (We will absolutely be renovating, but keeping it as Victorian as possible! Can't wait to go buy a clawfoot tub!!)

Here is our potentially new- old house:

There's also a basement, so there are 4 levels of living in this home.

We are going to see 2 other similar houses for similar prices today. They are more updated on the inside, but do not have fireplaces. (Can I just tell you that DH was giddy as a schoolgirl when he saw the brick fireplace in the kitchen? For those who remember, he's a classically-trained Chef, and is so excited to cook in the fireplace in the kitchen!! And I am SO EXCITED to clean up after that! Note sarcasm.)

So... the next several years of our lives may be consumed with renovating our Victorian home, which is pretty amazing. Let's hope we can get approved for a mortgage at a good rate, and all that good stuff...

And this morning, we will be attending Mass at what may be our new parish. It just HAPPENS to be St. Joseph's :) St. Joseph is, I have a feeling, going to be hugely instrumental in this next phase of our lives, as we both are hoping for jobs to come through soon, as well as the home. (Though we're not selling, just hoping to buy.)

What do you think of the house? :)


Sew said...

I LOVE THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I"M SO JEALOUS!!!!!!!!

FIREPLACE IN THE KITCHEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUY IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!

I'm excited for this new phase in your life.... :)

Meg @ True, Good and Beautiful said...

I don't use this phrase a lot but...


I LOVE that house! I knew the second I saw the outside! The inside has so much potential. You could keep with the victorian style and make it your own, or you could bring in a more contemporary flare to it that would be gorgeous! Can I come help you?? :) Oh wait, you have to buy it first.

I'm praying for you and DH, that you find all the peace and joy that God desires for you in this next phase in your life.

... said...

I absolutely love the house! I lov the Butler's pantry and all the character. Move quick!

Living Advent said...

Oh A, it's fabulous! Have you put in an offer yet? I LOVE the dinning room, the butler's pantry and the solarium!

prayerfuljourney said...

I love that house too!!! It has so much potential and so much charm. Love it!

I've been in that new phase...we TTC but aren't avid about it or hopeful...we are just living our lives and waiting for God to let us know our next steps. I'm finally at a happy place and it feels good. I'll pray that you find that happy place in your life as well. God Bless.

Amazing Life said...

I love it!!! What a fun adventure!

The house is gorgeous, those floors are amazing (the wood ones).

I am excited for you and your DH's new phase,

St. Joseph keep them in your care! Pray for them. Amen.

mrsblondies said...

I love the house! You should get Misfit to come up and decorate it with you! So excited for your new phase!

Little JoAnn said...

I haven't even LOOKEd at the pictures yet (plan to go right back and oh and ah all over them) because this post gives me the CHILLS. I am SO excited for you I feel like I am the one buying the house. ANd, that sweet little ride is going to look awesome in the driveway.

I think fixing up a beautiful Victorian sounds like a once in a lifetime dream come true!

Enjoy every precious minute of it.

And, it's a GREAT time to get a mortgage right now!

Go St. Joseph, go!!!

Now, I am going to see the photos.

(Panting now with excitement for you)

Anonymous said...


I was wondering why you don't try IVF or something? I know everyone has a diff. opinion on things like that but I look it as God created the ppl and the knowledge for such things right? To each his own, just thought I'd throw that out there :)

Hope you get that house!!!

Little JoAnn said...

This homes spells HOME. That fireplace is killer. That second floor sitting room, I would die for that room. And, the what was it 11 feet windows! Its subdividable into 3 lots! What a price! I see IF convention here! How many parking spaces???

Oh, and that pantry and the playhouse, too. Doesn't get any better than this.

Wow, what a find. It is smashing in everyway. I love room #2!

Prayers to St. Joseph for helping you out with it if you decide it's the one!

Jessica said...

BEAUTIFUL house! So much potential. Plenty of room. Get it. :)

Hebrews 11:1 said...

It's so beautiful, I love it!! And judging by the rest of the comments, you'll have a lot of visiting bloggers who want to see it!! :) I really hope you get it!

Christina @ Faith for Fertility said...

I LOVE the house! I'm so jealous!
I also am excited for the new phase in your life! Yay!

T said...

It has such great character. Love it and really hope you get it!

Chasing said...

The house is gorgeous. Hope you get it!

Second Chances said...

Wowser! That's a beautiful home! I hope you can call it yours someday soon :)

Nick and Kristi said...

Very Beauiful House...I am from a small town that has alot of older homes like this and I love them:)It would be so much fun to remodel...I love doing that too!!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow, that house is amazing! So much potential!!! And it's gorgeous already - doesn't need to much to get it all spiffed up :). How cool would that be?
Good luck!

p.s. have you ever done the nat'l progesterone cream? nat'l progesterone absorbed by body fat works better for lots of women that oral forms (or suppositories).

iRejoice said...

I'm a sucker for houses with character. There's nothing better! It looks like a gorgeous home. I especially like the wood floors!

Rebecca Frech said...

That house is gorgeous! You'd better snap it up before we decide that we need it! :)

I'm so excited for you that you have begun to make peace with where you are and set off on new adventures.

[email protected] said...

I am in love with it, too!! Wow!! And I'll bet they've never had so many hits on that site in one day, ha ha ha! Get it!!!!

the misfit said...

It will come as no surprise to you that I am insanely jealous. I, too, almost wet myself when I saw a REAL HEARTH in the kitchen. that W2W carpet in the kitchen? Hahahahahaha. You will definitely be putting your own stamp on it!

I think it would be so wonderful for you guys to have all this space to yourselves. I will try not to sicken with envy that you found a beautiful Victorian that's actually for sale, and has all those beautiful fireplaces, and those giant windows, and with a good yard too, and for basically my RENT (I know $250k is a good-sized price tag in a lot of places in this country, but in DC that's a 1-2BR condo so...yes, insanely jealous. But in a good way ;) ).

Amy @ This Cross I Embrace said...

Misfit, I thought you'd like the pink carpeted stairs the best!! Or the (strategically-cropped from pictures) Gremlins-reminiscent electric chair that the little old lady would ride up to the 2nd floor and back down! Haha, DH asked if we could keep that installed.

We are soooo excited. Can't wait to get started... going for mortgage approval this week. Too bad DH's credit blows.

Amy @ This Cross I Embrace said...

Oh, and don't think we don't know this is a STEAL! Move-in ready homes around the area where we're living now are more than double this. We also have the highest property taxes in the nation - 1more reason to love NJ :(

JellyBelly said...


I am in awe of the listing price -- that's what we paid for our townhouse five years ago (I won't even comment about the property taxes, we had that convo in person! I know I can't complain since Catholic education is free and my taxes contribute to that!)!!!!

I can't wait to see what happens in this new phase!

andnotbysight said...

Wow! I love the huge windows and the exterior (and the realtor's phrase "nostalgic styling from days-gone-by" cracked me up). This is so exciting!!

Sunshine said...

I love the hardwood floors, the big kitchen, the gorgeous windows,the high ceilings and most of all this new stage in your life! We have been remodeling our fixer upper for 4 years now- didn't go the Victorian route though maybe that will be our next project! Oh, I love the solarium too- that's cool!

Praying for Hope said...

The house definitely needs some renovation, but it has wonderful features you don't see much today. I love the sun room, butler's pantry, and wide plank flooring.

Congratulations on starting to live your life again. That's even better than the house. You deserve to take back your life and be happy.

Hafsa said...

Are you kidding? I'm planning a visit as soon as you move in! I love the eat in kitchen and all of the knotty pine. Those floors are gorgeous as well!

Simone said...

I loved that video with the comments. That house is soooo cute... You will have to hire a butler to go with that pantry..... FX for you!

Faith makes things possible said...

This house is gorgeous! I love all the charm and character it offers!! My DH and I are in the process of looking for a home and unfortunately we haven't come across any like that one! That is so awesome!!!!

barbie said...

We'll all come visit you! I love the fireplace in the living room, they had those in Ireland and I fell in love with them! Gorgeous house!

Beth said...

That is an awesome house!!! We had kind of the same situation with our house - except with not nearly as much character! It was an estate, owned by an older woman, she kept it in great shape. Ken still wants a newer house with open floor plan, etc someday, but for now this is perfect. Oh and we painted our wood paneling in the playroom - primed, then painted, and it looks FANTASTIC :)

E said...

LOVE IT!! I grew up in an old lovely. You and DH need a new project and what a great marriage 'builder.' :)

Danya @ He Adopted Me First said...

Oh my...I am in LOVE with the house. I grew up in a victorian neighborhood and loved all the special details that do NOT exist on modern homes. Back then, building a house was an art form. It's amazing and would be a terrific project and you could have fancy parties and NOT invite the old codgers that were mean to you and hubs. How's that?

Lisa said...

What a GORGEOUS home! And renovating a home doesn't have to happen in a week, month, or year... it can happen over MANY years, as time, money, and circumstances allow! Our home is definitely a constant work in progress, with periods of rest and periods of insane reorganization/renovation/redesign.