Monday, March 1, 2010


I just wanted to check in and thank everyone for reaching out via comments, emails, prayers, etc. I have truly been lifted in prayer over the past several days, and your prayers have made an almost tangible difference. I am still going to seek out a spiritual advisor and/or therapist (a great one recommended by FJIEJ, whom I had the pleasure of meeting and speaking with briefly at the AAFCP meeting last year), since this is much more than a typical "CD 1" depression. But I do definitely feel all-around better than I did.

Tomorrow DH has an important meeting, which will in essence decide our future chances with adoption and fostercare, so extra prayers would be appreciated. I have a calm feeling about it, like I know that God will take care of us, even if the worst happens. (Or maybe that's just the numbness from the depression I'm feeling... haha.)

Cycle-wise (and this has really been the furthest thing from my mind lately, but since this IS an infertility-blog) I am in the middle of "Sit-Out" Cycle #2. At the end of my first sit-out cycle, I had gone from about 8 gigantic cysts to 1 ginormous cyst. What's kind of weird is that the 1 giant cyst I had left is the one that had the "amnion" inside of it. Obviously, it wasn't actually an amnion, it was a daughter-cyst, but my Dr and I joked that it looked like a little amnion. Great, I got pg, but it's in my follicle! Anyway, when all the other cysts shrunk/dissolved/ruptured and hemorrhaged, this large one actually grew :( It up to 5cm, but the daughter cyst had hemorrhaged, which was kinda cool to see (1 week it was perfectly clear/black fluid-filled, and the next it looked just like an endometrioma, filled completely with debris). But "Big Mama" Cyst reigned supreme. I went to acupuncture to try to shrink it faster, but also decided (with my Dr) to discontinue the prometrium and let my body try to sort this all out on its own.
My Dr also advised me to get another ultrasound if I do get peak-type mucus, just to see if I may actually still ovulate even with that cyst still there. I don't really care if I do or don't, as already mentioned, trying to conceive is the furthest thing from my mind right now.

But since I am mid-cycle now (I think day 10? I haven't actually charted in a while, for 2 reasons- a) don't care, and b) had tons of TEBB again without Lovenox and didn't care to color in all that RED on my chart again (I ran out of red stamps and just use a red pen now)), I think I should start preparing for my next treatment cycle because a lot of things will have to be planned ahead.

Here's what I'll plan on doing next cycle (2-3 weeks from now):

Doxycyclene- strong doses for both DH and I on days 1-10
Follistim 50 ius to 100 ius, monitored DAILY with u/s and frequent b/w
hCG trigger shot
Intralipid infusion before ovulation
Doppler Biophysical Uterine Profile done locally with my U/S Clinic with instructions from Dr Kwak's office (I've never done this locally before, but my clinic is willing to give it a shot, since they have the necessary equipment)

and of course my normal Reproductive Immunology treatments, tweaked slightly:

Lovenox 60 mgs 1 x day (possibly re-adjusted pending results of Biophysical)
Prednisone 15 mgs starting 48 hrs after ovulation
Progesterone support post-Peak (200 mgs prometrium, 100 mgs Endometrin)

and then my daily NaPro regimen:

T3 7.5 mcgs BID
Naltrexone 4.5 mgs
Metformin 1500 mgs
mucus enhancers (Amoxicillin, B6, Mucinex, FertileCM... and yes, I usually use all of the above)

and a crapload of vitamins and supplements recommended by NaPro Drs, Dr Kwak-Kim, and the acupuntuncturist, including D3, Calcium, Vit E, Propolis, Alpha Lipoic Acid, baby aspirin, Omega 3s, cod liver oil, probiotic, and DHEA.

Finally, which I just started 2 weeks ago, a gluten-free diet. I could not go gluten AND dairy free, so right now I'm just limiting dairy, but I am proud to say I have been really, really good with the gluten avoidance! I am still also avoiding everything that was in the "red" zone on my LEAP testing (mushrooms, yogurt, saccharin, paprika, and rice) but I am having stuff in the "yellow" zone because the GF diet would be brutal otherwise. (It still is pretty brutal. You have to remember, I was raised in a very Italian household... I thought I was going to die the first few days with no pasta, bread, pizza, etc.) And leave it to me to start this diet during LENT when I have to fast from meat on Fridays... which leaves very little to eat! But I'm making do. I've discovered I like sashimi just as much as sushi, so this is good :) (And yes, for you GF-pros out there, I realize many soy sauces have gluten in it. How weird is that??! I did find an organic GF brand, though.)

So that's my fertility update. I'm very blah about it, I think I've already resigned to the fact that I can never get pregnant, but for future peace of mind I just need to "go through the motions" for the next 3 months or so.


Sissy said...

That is a lot to keep up with! I am glad you are organized and have a system ready to go. I would go a little crazy I think!

Prayers for your meeting.

mrsblondies said...

I'll be praying for you especially with regard to your husband's meeting. I hope the counseling (of whatever type you choose) helps you handle all the stresses you are dealing with.

I hope your cyst gets resolved soon, and your next cycle goes well. It's sounds like you have a great plan.

Second Chances said...

Man, and I thought my pill box was full! I so admire how much effort you are putting into this. And STAY HOPEFUL! Or if you can't, let us be hopeful for you :)

Praying for Hope said...

There are some decent GF options out there for pasta. I don't remember the brands right now. Sorry. I'll be praying for you on the adoption/fostering front. You're due for some good luck.

barbie said...

I'm praying so hard for you! Good for you going Gfree, Lent's a great time to give it a go. What Grant and i do for Friday is cook some salmon steaks with stir fried rice ( cooked rice with either shrimp or tuna and egg, onion etc) and a green salad which the dresssing is simple olive oil and seasoned rice vinegar (b/c vinegar can be gluten too) and it's a yummo meal, also was making tuna salad and using celery sticks to "dip" into the tuna salad and made a pico de gallo on the side to spice it up. after you get used to the idea it gets easier to go G free!

JellyBelly said...

I'm praying for you TCIE! I'm so sorry that you're still in limbo and that your body isn't cooperating.

Sending you hugs and prayers!

Amy @ This Cross I Embrace said...

Barbie and PfH- the most difficult part for me going GF is that RICE is worse for me than gluten! (At least, based on my LEAP results, I was very reactive to rice.)

So, many of the pastas, flours, breads out there that are GF have as their main substitute RICE flour. I have been able to find a corn/quinoa pasta, though, and today I'm going to Wegman's to see what they have.

E said...

I am so glad you are calling CW. She is amazing and I know the Holy Spirit will work through her for you and DH.

I love the idea of a FCP using a red pen, makes me chuckle.

Amy @ This Cross I Embrace said...

I know, FJIEJ! I was doing that in the office 1 day, mumbling, "I'm sooooo behind on my chart!" when both the Dr and the secretary looked over and said, "The shoemaker's children never have shoes!"

the misfit said...

TOTALLY get it about "going through the motions." I have six months of twelve to go - and not a normal cycle since surgery yet!

Shannon said...

You are on my mind constantly.

... said...

I do not envy you the GF diet. That seems so hard, but you are doing such a good job.

I just said a prayer for the meeting tomorrow. I hope everything goes well. I you’re your spiritual heart really needs a door to open soon.

Chasing said...

The grace of every Mass I attend is offered up for you.

Sew said...

I think hell has frozen over...You haven't charted!!!!!!!!! WOO-HOO!!!

:) I LOOOOVVVEEEE corn pasta! It sticks together when I cook it, even when I use olive oil in the water...If you figure out how to solve that problem please let me know. :)

Jeremiah 29:11 said...

Praying for you and your journey...

Suzie-Q T-Pie said...

sending prayers your way girl! I too am from a big Italian family and not eating pasta would break my Nona's heart! lol

Vent-ilation said...

Thinking of you... hugs and prayers.

doctorgianna said...

Just updated myself on your posts - praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Good luck with the GF diet! I've found that I enjoy spaghetti squash with sauce just as much as pasta, and even zucchini spiral-sliced the same way. After a while, you'll be so used to not eating breads and pastas that you won't miss them as much! I couldn't do the no-dairy thing either - I love butter and cheese and yogurt.
Lately, I've been less motivated about the diet, but I'm thinking having more time to cook will reinvigorate me :).