I can't even begin to explain how very excited I am for All You Who Hope!!!
Right before I heard about her news, I was thinking about her and her husband, R. I was thinking that they have been waiting so long, and it just doesn't seem fair. I was thinking of another friend, Grace in My Heart, who recently had an adoption come as if out of the sky into her and her husband's laps. And eventually my thoughts merged into a very strong feeling. "AYWH is going to have an adoption just like that! She's going to get a call that a baby has already been born. And it's probably going to be soon."
Not an hour later, I got the text from Sew that this post had just been published!!
Through the excitement of the past few days, my mind again began to wander, and to ponder the amazing work of God. It seems that now in retrospect, more than ever, I am able to see just how much He has been moving things into place amongst all of us in a short period of time.
And then of course, I fell for a brief moment into the "self-defeatist infertile" why-me attitude. Sure, things are looking great for this treatment cycle, but it's just that. A treatment cycle. Of which I've had MANY in the past. And all have failed.
And just at that moment when I was about to get depressed, I remembered something crucial. My prayer to St. Gianna.
When I met up with AYWH (the day I first met her) at last year's St. Gianna Feast Day Mass at her shrine in PA, I made a fervent plea during the Holy Eucharist. I asked St. Gianna to please take this cross from me and my friends (thinking specifically of my blogging friends), and that I would offer to carry the cross for my friends if it meant we could all eventually become mothers. I told St. Gianna I didn't mind doing that, and that I felt I was up to the challenge to carry and embrace that cross for a longer period of time.
Not even a few days later, Life in Mazes became a mother again. Unfortunately, an ectopic pg resulted, but praise God that her life was saved and that she has two glorious heirs to the kingdom of heaven now awaiting her arrival! (I believe Peace of Christ also got her 1st BFP shortly thereafter...?)
And then St. Gianna apparently went to work on the rest of you. Of course, not every single blog friend of mine has had a pregnancy or an adoption since that time... BUT, amongst the 8 of us who met up for Barren Wives' Weekend in early August, here's what has transpired:
Sew Infertile became a mother to a beautiful child in heaven after almost 4 years of infertility; she is now THISCLOSE to beginning her amazing journey with Foster Care.
Living Advent is now more than halfway through a pregnancy which began in August.
Finding Joy in Every Journey, having never ONCE conceived in 5 years of TTC, is well into her 2nd trimester.
Life Hopes had TWO b-moms choose her profile, and after much prayer, was matched with her daughter, due Jan. 13th.
Fertile Thoughts is newly pregnant with outstanding hCG levels and progesterone levels.
All You Who Hope may be going to pick up HER BABY GIRL very, very soon.
The only 2 BWs left from that weekend get-together are myself and JellyBelly (Frustrated Musings...)
I stand in awe. I remember that weekend vividly, and all of us discussing so openly and candidly our raw emotions from infertility. It felt, at the time, that we would be infertile for years to come. Sure, there was some hope, and we all encouraged one another to pursue one avenue or another, but after so many years, we all felt like we were stuck in our current predicament. And we wondered, were we always meant to meet each other and become friends (which never would have happened without our infertility)?
So, it appears as if St. Gianna has taken me up on my sacrificial prayer offering after all! It has been EIGHT MONTHS since April '09. Of course, that feels like an eternity when you're in it, but looking back, wow, that was not much time at all!!
In that interim, I have had our adoption door slammed in our face not once, but twice. We were unable to continue our Home Study, and still may not be able to continue with it (pending our meeting with the agency branch director Jan. 11th).
We have discovered that my MTHFR dx is much more serious than we originally were told by several Drs, and that, in fact, I was PHYSICALLY UNABLE to implant. Whether or not I was conceiving, impossible to prove. But I would never, ever be able to implant without twice daily injections of Lovenox (at least).
And, of course, our financial situation is constantly a swinging pendulum. We still live in the apartment attached to DH's parents' house, and DH's payment situation has been no better.
But if this was the cross I was meant to bear so that my friends could experience all of those wonderful things - well, I don't mind it one bit! In fact, I now feel silly for having complained so much about all of those hardships, when they were exactly what I had prayed so hard for!!
So, JellyBelly... I seriously hope you jump on this wagon soon!! Not only because I would love nothing MORE than to see each and every 1 of the 8 BWs as mothers, but because as I said to Sew... I'm ready to give up the cross and have 2010 be the year I become a mommy, too!!