Friday, January 1, 2010

1 BW To Go... and it's you, JB!

I can't even begin to explain how very excited I am for All You Who Hope!!!

Right before I heard about her news, I was thinking about her and her husband, R. I was thinking that they have been waiting so long, and it just doesn't seem fair. I was thinking of another friend, Grace in My Heart, who recently had an adoption come as if out of the sky into her and her husband's laps. And eventually my thoughts merged into a very strong feeling. "AYWH is going to have an adoption just like that! She's going to get a call that a baby has already been born. And it's probably going to be soon."

Not an hour later, I got the text from Sew that this post had just been published!!

Through the excitement of the past few days, my mind again began to wander, and to ponder the amazing work of God. It seems that now in retrospect, more than ever, I am able to see just how much He has been moving things into place amongst all of us in a short period of time.
And then of course, I fell for a brief moment into the "self-defeatist infertile" why-me attitude. Sure, things are looking great for this treatment cycle, but it's just that. A treatment cycle. Of which I've had MANY in the past. And all have failed.

And just at that moment when I was about to get depressed, I remembered something crucial. My prayer to St. Gianna.

When I met up with AYWH (the day I first met her) at last year's St. Gianna Feast Day Mass at her shrine in PA, I made a fervent plea during the Holy Eucharist. I asked St. Gianna to please take this cross from me and my friends (thinking specifically of my blogging friends), and that I would offer to carry the cross for my friends if it meant we could all eventually become mothers. I told St. Gianna I didn't mind doing that, and that I felt I was up to the challenge to carry and embrace that cross for a longer period of time.

Not even a few days later, Life in Mazes became a mother again. Unfortunately, an ectopic pg resulted, but praise God that her life was saved and that she has two glorious heirs to the kingdom of heaven now awaiting her arrival! (I believe Peace of Christ also got her 1st BFP shortly thereafter...?)

And then St. Gianna apparently went to work on the rest of you. Of course, not every single blog friend of mine has had a pregnancy or an adoption since that time... BUT, amongst the 8 of us who met up for Barren Wives' Weekend in early August, here's what has transpired:

Sew Infertile became a mother to a beautiful child in heaven after almost 4 years of infertility; she is now THISCLOSE to beginning her amazing journey with Foster Care.

Living Advent is now more than halfway through a pregnancy which began in August.

Finding Joy in Every Journey, having never ONCE conceived in 5 years of TTC, is well into her 2nd trimester.

Life Hopes had TWO b-moms choose her profile, and after much prayer, was matched with her daughter, due Jan. 13th.

Fertile Thoughts is newly pregnant with outstanding hCG levels and progesterone levels.

All You Who Hope may be going to pick up HER BABY GIRL very, very soon.

The only 2 BWs left from that weekend get-together are myself and JellyBelly (Frustrated Musings...)

I stand in awe. I remember that weekend vividly, and all of us discussing so openly and candidly our raw emotions from infertility. It felt, at the time, that we would be infertile for years to come. Sure, there was some hope, and we all encouraged one another to pursue one avenue or another, but after so many years, we all felt like we were stuck in our current predicament. And we wondered, were we always meant to meet each other and become friends (which never would have happened without our infertility)?

So, it appears as if St. Gianna has taken me up on my sacrificial prayer offering after all! It has been EIGHT MONTHS since April '09. Of course, that feels like an eternity when you're in it, but looking back, wow, that was not much time at all!!

In that interim, I have had our adoption door slammed in our face not once, but twice. We were unable to continue our Home Study, and still may not be able to continue with it (pending our meeting with the agency branch director Jan. 11th).
We have discovered that my MTHFR dx is much more serious than we originally were told by several Drs, and that, in fact, I was PHYSICALLY UNABLE to implant. Whether or not I was conceiving, impossible to prove. But I would never, ever be able to implant without twice daily injections of Lovenox (at least).

And, of course, our financial situation is constantly a swinging pendulum. We still live in the apartment attached to DH's parents' house, and DH's payment situation has been no better.

But if this was the cross I was meant to bear so that my friends could experience all of those wonderful things - well, I don't mind it one bit! In fact, I now feel silly for having complained so much about all of those hardships, when they were exactly what I had prayed so hard for!!

So, JellyBelly... I seriously hope you jump on this wagon soon!! Not only because I would love nothing MORE than to see each and every 1 of the 8 BWs as mothers, but because as I said to Sew... I'm ready to give up the cross and have 2010 be the year I become a mommy, too!!


JellyBelly said...

No pressure, right????

I really hope that we don't have to wait much longer A, I really don't.

Happy New Year to you, my friend!

Amy @ This Cross I Embrace said...

Hahaha, nope, no pressure at all!! ;)

Sissy said...

I sometimes think that our adoption will happen like that...with a baby already born and just waiting in the hospital for us. That would be a welcome relief after the wait and disappointment of our failed placement in May.

Waiting is hard, huh? I think we have all learned that on this infertile journey. Waiting to get pregnant, waiting to be matched with a birthmother, waiting for the baby to be born. It's all about spending time wishing and hoping. And praying, in our cases. Sigh.

Here's hoping this is our year!

mrsblondies said...

That's pretty cool! JB better get ready; it sounds like something is due to happen for hear soon (no pressure of course). I hope that 2010 is the year for you too (and all the other waiting bloggers).

barbie said...

This is a great post, but I think you've suffered enough and 2019 is time for you to have your baby too!

Amy @ This Cross I Embrace said...

Haha, barbie, I hope you meant 2010... I'm not sure I have it in me to go another 9 years!!!

Anonymous said...

Wow, there have been quite a few successes this year! Maybe 2010 will see a whole bunch more BFP's and adoptions :). And hopefully, you're next in line!

Life In Mazes said...


I am with all of the others, I am going to be praying my little heart out for you that 2010 is your year, too! You & JB!

I did find out of my pregnancy on the Feast of St. Gianna ;) Thanks for remembering my family!

God is really moving in our circle, I pray that it will conitnue!!!!

Big hugs to you, your heart is just so big and I am so thankful to have crossed paths with you while on this journey!

LifeHopes said...

Wow. Like you, I cannot help but think back to that BW weekend, which, by the way, seems like it was just yesterday.

And if an angel came down from heaven, we would not have believed what all has transpired since that weekend. We really wouldn't! (at least I know I wouldn't!)

And yet God has been answering our prayers, one by one.

I truly believe He is faithful and will not forget any of us. He is opening wombs and hearts for adoption, and knocking over obstacles like its nobody's business!!!

I really cannot wait to see what He has in store for all of us.

Sew said...

The BW weekend was only 5 MONTHS ago! I don't know what happened there but as soon as it did things just started knocking down the path....The pregnancies happened and then we all calmed down, then one would happen again, then we would all calm down...But looking back it's only been 5 months!

There is so much I feel like I want to say and I've been trying to write a blog post in my head about AYWH situation, but really I'm speechless.

I'm humbled below the earth. I don't even know if that makes sense. My eyes & soul look in wonder.....

I feel so ridiculos for ever doubting God's plan. The power of these miralces prove to me that I have little faith, when I thought I might have had some. I have litte...... ;)

I have no words............

E said...

I just KNOW that the Lord has a plan for you. We need to chat soon!

Mrs. Mike said...

You are amazing, A. A real gem and a tender soul. What you have willingly taken on yourself for the sake of your friends is nothing short of heroic. Get ready because God will reward you one-thousand-fold.

God love you!

WheelbarrowRider said...

great post. helpful recap and i love your selflessness, it is inspiring and i will try to model after it. maybe it wouldn't mean as much since i have one baby, but i would gladly have no more if it meant a baby for you, my dear, and i will tell God so immediately (just don't tell dh, lol!).

the misfit said...

Guess I should have gone on that weekend after all :). (On the other hand, it sort of fits, since I'm now working on the next stage of my life as accepting childlessness with grace.) If we're assuming that heavenly messengers work on an exacting and precise program, is it possible that LIM is also in line ahead of you? Just a thought...I know, evil, I know. Couldn't help myself...

Life In Mazes said...

I have no desire to be ahead of anyone, in fact it was mid-december that I was just absolutely called (God placed it on my heart with certainity) to pray for God to give AYWH a baby BEFORE me. I offered up all of my suffering that day for her and it was just so strong a need to pray for her and her motherhood that I really did not understand until now. I am in complete awe at God's goodness.

Karey said...

Thanks A! What a selfless prayer you had that day as I sat next to you. I can't thank you enough for all the times you have lifted me up in prayer. It truly is amazing what has transpired since that weekend. It has been such a blessing getting to know you better this year. I am going to focus a lot of my prayers on you now!

Amy @ This Cross I Embrace said...

The thing that still bothers me, though, is why you all (and particularly you, K) had to continue to suffer so much right up until the point of receiving your gift from above? I mean, just because you have a daughter promised to you now doesn't take away the past 8 months of torture you went through, and especially the past few months when you've been really down :(

I wish that had been spared all of you, too!

LIM- wow! What a calling to prayer, that is so beautiful!

Percolating Petals said...

TCIE, after such a selfless prayer, I hope God works a miracle for you & JB too.

And by the way, if there is a Barren Wives Weekend II in 2010, can other bloggers participate? :)

Amy @ This Cross I Embrace said...

Absolutely, it's not a closed program by any means!! I'm sure we'll be trying to do another one this summer :)

Jeremiah 29:11 said...

Wow. God is good. These beautiful stories give the rest of us some hope!!