than a lifetime of nothing special."
While that movie always makes me cry, it is also a comfort to know that the main character, Shelby, gets her wish. All she wanted was a baby, and she had one. So, really, what's sad about that?
I've had a rough couple of days, with ups and downs. DH and I made our renewal Consecration to Mary on the Assumption (Saturday), at which time we are supposed to make an offering to Mary, and give her everything in our lives. As you can probably imagine, the most difficult thing to hand over has always been our fertility, and I can personally say I've never been able to do that in the past 3 years. But on Saturday, we offered Mary our fertility, and put our trust in her maternal heart that she knows when our time is. It. Was. VERY. Hard. But we both felt a rush of calm coming over us afterwards. We are still TTC, and doing what WE can, but we've promised to remember that WE are not in control. (Easier said than done.)
This morning at Mass, we were asked to bring up the gifts. DH and I thought that was a great coincidence- not only the weekend of our Consecration, but also the weekend before our 3rd Wedding Anniversary.
Before any of this happened, Friday evening we heard that SIL is likely miscarrying. All I know so far is that she had her 1st sonogram on Friday, and she was told that for as far along as she is, they should be able to find a heartbeat. Well, they didn't. By my calculations, the earliest she possibly could have been at that time was 6 weeks... but she was more likely 7, 8, or more. So, yes, at 6 weeks they should be able to find a heartbeat. HOWEVER, that being said, I know my SIL a little too well. She once had everyone in the family mourning her premature death of cervical cancer because she got an abnormal papsmear. It turned out to be nothing more than complications from her IUD removal. So, I am waiting for more information to know what's really going on.
BUT, the fact remains that she is/was at risk for miscarriage with her previous IUD usage and other factors. I'm just not quite ready to believe it yet. I'll keep you posted on this front, but in the meantime, please pray for the baby.
On Saturday, DH and I also had our Catholic Fertility Support Group meeting. We were the only two there :) Then I went to use the bathroom (it was CD 8), and saw TEBB, tail-end brown bleeding. Fantastic. It was horribly depressing- to see a sign of my infection returning AGAIN, and realize there really is no good reason why I'm infertile. Clearly I'm not helping anyone. I'm TRYING, but they're not coming! We have guest speakers lined up for the next 2 months, so hopefully people will show up to those meetings, but c'mon!! I would have LOVED to see something like this offered in my Diocese early on in the IF journey... and I would definitely have come! It just makes me question, yet again, what my purpose is on this earth at this time. Not a mother. Not a source of support for others. So... what??
Like I said, lots of ups and downs this weekend. And so Year Three of Infertility draws to an end...