Monday, August 31, 2009

"Finally Getting Some Answers"

I don't know about the rest of you, but I dislike hearing the phrase, "It's so great you're finally getting some answers!" from fellow infertiles about as much as I dislike hearing, "Maybe if you just relax..." from fertiles.

Now, I don't mean to sound harsh, because I understand that the sentiment behind the statement is one of encouragement, genuine happiness, and excitement for me. And for that, I am SOOOO very grateful. I heart fellow online IFers! I do!!

But c'mon, now. Can someone who's been following (even if just once in a while) my infertility story actually think I have been without answers up until this point?? Let's just take another look at some of the answers I've been given, which can (together or seperately) account for every single failed cycle I've had thus far:

limited mucus (on select cycles)
low sperm morphology
thyroid system dysfunction
Stage 1-2 endometriosis
partially blocked tubes
chlamydia trachomatis and anaerobes
moderate adrenal fatigue
MTHFR compound heterozygous
PAI-1 heterozygous
severely diminished (close to zero) blood flow in Zone 3 of endometrium (implantation zone)

And I'm sure there will be 1 or 2 more things discovered by Dr. Kwak-Kim once my bloodwork comes back.

I'm not singling out any one person here at all, I've just noticed that when I post updates on other forums (y.ahoo groups or online message boards), people always tend to respond with this statement. And it drives me crazy!! Yes, I realize it's really not that big a deal, and it's more of a catch-all phrase than anything else (kinda like the obligatory "H&H 9 months!" comment to someone who posts about their BFP). But it really just bothers me to hear this response, since I've been finding and fixing EVERYTHING since day 1 of medical treatment for my infertility (November 2006). I have never been in the "unexplained" category, and really the only reason I keep finding more and more issues to fix is because I have YET to feel HEALED. I think that one day (soon), I will know for sure that everything about my fertility has been restored, or is being treated, for optimal conception and implantation and pregnancy conditions. After that, I will be at peace with my infertility, no matter where it takes me.

I must be PMSing :P

Dr. Kwak-Kim wanted me to test at 10dpo, which is today. It was a BFN. I am fine with it, but I did go online to see just how reliable an hpt will be at 10dpo, because I wasn't so sure I should discontinue the progesterone support quite yet (even though she said to). It appears as if 10dpo is just a tad early. I will continue the progesterone until the morning of 13dpo, test again at that point, and then come off if a BFN. I don't feel pregnant or anything, but since there were two eggs this month, and Dr. Kwak-Kim is trying her best to optimize the lining for implantation, I figure it's better to wait it out. Which probably also means I'll get AF late this cycle, since I'll need a few days to withdraw from the progesterone.

My parents' Anniversary was really nice :) My sister's party was also good, I got to chat with one of our mutual friends who just adopted last year (she went through infertility, too), and that was great since I don't get to see her much. We had a good conversation, which I'll probably blog more about another time. Gotta leave you hungry for SOMETHING!


Danielle said...

You have certainly had your share of "answers" the past three years! Your story is one for the records. I think you should work on a book- I'm serious!!! I love NaPro, I still chart. I LOVE the answers it gives.And I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Dr J. I just HATE how far away everything is from me. It is just impossible to travel so far. Not only with work, but my neck injury causes such bad headaches when I was driving so much. I swear -I am not ment to have children, God is certainly not making it easy!

JellyBelly said...

My biggest fear is that I will have all of my diagnoses and I still won't get pregnant! It's great to have answers and doctors working their best with us to help, but every time I get a diagnosis I just feel more dread. It just seems like my body just doesn't want to work properly, and for me it isn't just IF related!

Wouldn't it be great if a doctor could just say, "Okay, so here's the problem and here's the solution." And then a month later we're pregnant!

That is my dream.

I'm glad that your parents' and sister's party went well!

prayerfuljourney said...

It seems like with each dr we visit we get more "answers"...the only answer I'm looking for is one from our Good Lord. His is the one that will make me "relax". After hearing about the couple who tried for 17 years before conceiving...I now believe it is in HIS time. I just wish He'd let me know which meds to take and which to would alleviate a lot of pain (or is all of that part of the suffering He wants me to endure?). God Bless you as you continue your journey of IF. Hopefully God will give you "answers" soon. :)

Welcome! said...

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. I have been so sick, I get behind on a lot of things.

So you asked, practitioner to practitioner how do clients handle things when I tell them we are expecting and they are still trying. Well interestingly, one client that was trying for a couple years
(however only charting Creighton for 1 yr) became pregnant two weeks before me. So it was such a testament to the system bc she has a couple different conditions than me. However, her progesterone is low too. So she is telling other woman in the community her story... and my story too.

Everyone else seems to be happy and still working at it. We were all in the same boat and over three years, they trust me. Now I am soooo open about my history with my clients. So along my path, they see how the pieces have fit together... first endo removal... then addressing low progesterone, and finally address low quality CM. That seemed to be my formula... All my IF clients have different stories.. one a husband issue, one healthy issues and so the story goes. They still all believe in Napro and have even more hope now.

So in the end, I guess the best thing for me was I tell all my clients everything... especially the IF clients who are trying. Since they know so much, I give them hope.

Hope this helps. Let me know if you need anything else. BTW who was your educator? Margaret Howard by chance?


Sew said...

I hope I have never said that to you! :) I know you wouldn't have a problem putting me in my place! hahahaha Your kwaki for kwaki puffs!

mrsblondies said...

I've probably said it :/ I think it's hard to know what to say sometimes about a person getting a diagnosis.

KC said...

I know I have probably said that and I'm sorry it came across so....well, annoying really! Thanks for letting us know you felt that way though. Sometimes it takes one person to voice their feelings about something that bothers them to help the rest of us be a better friend in the future!


Amy @ This Cross I Embrace said...

Ahhhh, nooooo, it was honestly no one here on the blogs :P It's just been said over the years on the other forums where I post.

Nicole, my educator was K.athy R.ivet. Thank you for the comment, that makes a lot of sense to me. I hope you're feeling better these days!

the misfit said...

I'm sure I've said that to somebody but I try to make it somebody who really has been searching for answers. Then again, in my head I guess that would include you, because you've treated so many things and so if they were enough, you'd be pregnant, and so you have to find someone with information you haven't heard yet - well, anyway. It seems like wandering through the rabbit warren; so very many things - you treat one, doesn't help, you're on to the next. I thought I had a long list already but yours puts mine to shame. I guess the day that you know you've found the last thing is when you get your BFP, but the prospect is just so daunting!

Amy @ This Cross I Embrace said...

It's not so much the "answers" thing that gets me... it's the "finally." Which, to me, implies that all the NaPro treatment I've had up to date has given me diddly squat in terms of an explanation for my IF. Of course, this couldn't be further from the truth :)

But like I said, I realize it's just one of those catch-all phrases and I'm sure most ppl don't even realize how it sounds. I'm starting to regret this post altogether, lol!! I didn't mean to offend anyone, honestly!!

KC said...

Thanks so much for your advice the other day! I will definitely try to appeal the whole bloodwork charges. I think it was denied because the Hormone Lab is out of network. But I could at least only have to pay the difference between what they lab charges and what they would typically pay an in-network lab.


And thanks for offering up your thoughts about the lack of desire for a child. I think sometimes maybe it is a defense mechanism in my case. Like maybe I can convince myself that I don't want one so bad. I think of all the negative stuff associated with it so I don't want it as much. But in the end, I know I do. But it is just hard getting through those days where it hurts the worst.

But I definitely will avoid the guilt that comes with those feelings! Thanks for the encouragement! Sorry I haven't been around as much lately. I definitely have been keeping up with reading but don't always have time to comment!!