I feel sooooo refreshed spiritually after our Annual Meeting. It truly was a phenomenal experience. However, I did get a bit emotional, and much more often than I tend to do in public places... I think I just had a bit of INFERTILITY OVERLOAD with all the panels and talks and non-stop pill-popping and injection-taking (I started my Lovenox injections while at the conference).
So far, the injections are going as well as can be expected. There is some blood blistering going on, and slight bruising. And I am still trying to work out the cost with the insurance, because at the moment it's costing me around $3 per injection... which works out to around $900 JUST for pregnancy. And I'm not pregnant yet. Plus, there may be issues of long-term use... they may not cover it at all after 30 days.
Back to the Conference. One of the first things I see upon entering the hotel lobby is a big booth set up with Re.liv!! Of course I had to go over and read up on it. I expressed my concern about it being a soy product, and my google-addicted self reading numerous articles about how too much soy is bad for fertility. The women assured me that that only applies to over processed soy, and then they went on to share with me various testimonies of women who had suffered from IF for x amount of years, began taking the shakes and conceived. No, they didn't mention Sew, but I'm sure once they get wind of her story, they'll slip that one in, too :)
I figured God must have lead them to me for a reason, so I went ahead and ordered a month's supply. I also ordered the Simplicity for DH, for weight loss. We are both really excited to try it and I, for one, am definately looking forward to some more energy. The Hydrocort is losing a lot of its initial benefits for me...
Last night we rushed Simba (our orange kitty, the one who was birthed at our house last summer) to AnimERge for a urinary blockage. Jerry, our gray cat, had a blockage once, too, so we knew the signs right away. Sure enough, he was blocked. It was so sad to see him acting so scared and sick :( He would keep standing up and sitting down, trying to get comfortable, and growling at nothing (just from discomfort). When we were trying to figure out if we could wait until this morning to bring him in to the vet, I went over to him and asked, "Simba, what's wrong honey??" and he gave me the most pathetic moan/cry you'd ever want to hear. That was enough for me to run and grab my purse, pick him up and usher him into the cat carrier, and get in the car. DH drove. It was 11:00pm.
Today, they said he's doing much better- he has the catheter in, and is active and alert, playing in his cage. They said, "He's a good boy!" He's also eating like there's no tomorrow... he didn't eat anything last night, which was DHs first clue something was wrong.
I know this post is all over the place, but lately, so is my life.
The infertility is really casting a shadow over me lately. I can't seem to escape it, and I feel like I'm in a race to beat it. I mean, I know we always feel that way, but for some reason very recently I just feel like I have to do everything I can before my time is up. I don't know what time that is... maybe when all the money runs out? Maybe the end of the year? I have no idea, maybe it's just the pressure of knowing I only have Lovenox approved for 3 cycles. I don't know. But it's a real crappy feeling.
It was fantastic to hear all the success stories while at the Conference. All the research and statistics about how NaPro truly does WORK! And I don't disagree. I am just really struggling with the fact that it is not working for me. It is truly scary to know that it may never happen. Especially in light of the adoption blowing up in our face. I am scared beyond belief that I may never have children, one way OR another.
There are more thoughts I have about the Meeting, but I will save that for another post.
My 28th Birthday is Saturday. Another year older and none the more fruitful.