... the Dixie Chicks may lay claim to that title, but the new song in the Musical of My Life is entitled: "Wide Open Cervix."
I think my Dr has a little bit of a crush on my cervix. Just a little. Last year she typed the word "beautiful" under the stillframe sonogram shot of my cervix, and today? As soon as the wand was up there, she gasped and said, "Oh, MY!" Then, with clear giddiness in her voice, she pointed to my cervix on the screen and said, "I don't think I've EVER seen a cervix THAT wide open before!" My cervix blushed a bit.
Well, this morning DH and I did the obligatory baby dance (last night, too... I wasn't messing around, I was hell-bent on seeing some swimmers in my stuff), and after I laid still for 30 minutes, I got up to put on a pantyliner and underwear. (I wasn't supposed to do the SFI before the post-coital.) And right there in the bathroom, out it all came!! It felt like my water broke, seriously. Now, I've had some leakage from time to time in the past, but this was INSANE! I kept trying to "plug it up" with wads of toilet paper, but the stuff just wasn't stopping... so I sat down, let it drip out, then got dressed. I remember reading that after 20 minutes or so, the seminal fluid is pretty much void of sperm, anyway, since the sperm make their way into the cm right away. But still, at the time all I could think was, "OH, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! COME BAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!" (I would be lying if I said the thought didn't cross my mind to go get a turkey baster and salvage all the baby juice from the bathroom floor.)
So, we get to the Drs office, me all dry and sore, DH all calm and happy (let's face it, the man got lucky twice in 12 hrs), and before she does the post-coital she wants to make sure I am still PRE-ovulatory, so she does an ultrasound. (Abdominal didn't show anything, so we went to the big guns.) And that's when she saw my gorgeous, wide open cervix. There was evidence of a few potential follicles, and possibly a very new corpus luteum, but she couldn't be sure - - everything measured in the mature range, but if I had literally JUST ovulated, it would be hard to tell which was which. Suffice to say, she knew that the post-coital would indeed give us results, since I had such obvious Peak-type mucus all over the place.
(For those who were asking, the post-coital test is a test done when you are close to ovulation, when you have GOOD cm. They take a swab of your cm from the cervical os, after you've had intercourse, and they put it on a slide under a microscope to see if there are still sperm swimming around in it. If there are no sperm, or they are all dead or sluggish, it could indicate hostile cm. Often times if women AREN'T charting their cycles, and they have this test done, they will see results of "hostile cm" and told they must do IUI to surpass it... but if the test isn't properly-timed, and the woman is just past ovulation, then her cm SHOULD be hostile at that time. Timing is everything with this test.)
So, all it was was a pap smear with a little sucky instrument that sucked a little sample from my cervix. Didn't hurt at all, but man, was my lady business TIRED of letting things in and out at this point. I think it is now on strike. And, let me add, the fact that there had been all that spillage BEFORE we went to the Drs, made for a much more comfortable, non-leaky-all-over-the-poor-Drs-hands experience.
DH and I both got to look at the goods under the microscope. It was GREAT! Lots of swimmers, all swimming ferociously. The Dr said they were swimming fast, too (I'm guessing she has a little sperm timer for sperm races in her lab room). DH was VERY proud of himself.
When we left, I asked DH if we should go back and ask to have them put back in. I mean, what if one of those awesome swimmers is our son?? I can't afford to be giving away hundreds of thousands of sperm, now!
So, that's the story of the post-coital. Apparently everything looks fantastic this cycle. Still no clear sign of a cumulus oophorus on ultrasound, and I have a secret fear that maybe I have empty follicles... the Dr said that's usually in much older women than me... but still, I wonder.