It's CD 1. And for about 15 seconds, I was really getting proud of myself for accepting it so graciously. I even put a pad on last night, not because I had any symptoms that she was on her way, but because I worked it out mathematically in my head based on my progesterone results from Monday. My P+8, and 9dpo progesterone was 10.1. Pathetic! I guessed that it would go down by at least 2 points each day, and to prepare for spotting before flow, put on a pad.
Now, back to that 15 seconds. I was in the bathroom, with DH in the bedroom yelling in to me about something or other. When I saw she was here, I asked him to please take care of setting up the health savings account (which I've been asking him since JANUARY!), because I needed it to be in place by next week when I have my repeat uterine washes with Dr. Toth. (Following so far?) He, true to form, started bitching and moaning about how he doesn't have time, and why can't I do it, and blah blah... all why I'm non-chalantly wiping away signs of another dead dream.
Finally, I came out of the bathroom and said, "I just got my period, so that means I am starting the washes on CD 5, which will be Tuesday. You have until Tuesday to figure this out." He got all defensive, and complained that I never told him it would be happening this soon (the uterine washes). He was REALLY starting to irritate me, and honestly, I think he was just a little shocked at finding out I got my period. (After all, he saw his fantastic swimmers in the cm last week.) He did not take the news lightly. But his reaction, instead of being honest and straightforward, was SO immature! He continued his little rant, which is when he argues with me, trying to get me upset, and he ALWAYS has to have the last word (which doesn't work in our fights, because so do I. So, he accomplished his goal, and got me all worked up, until I was crying and yelling, "Why are you attacking me when you know I just got my period??!! Just shut up and walk away!!" To which, of course, he retaliated, also yelling, then left.
So, I had myself a good little cry, then shook it off and called Dr Toth to schedule my washes. The good news is I only need 7 days this time, not 10, so it will be slightly less expensive than $3,000. I also don't need the IV again. I still have to find out if we will need to abstain this cycle from TTC or not.
There were a couple of new developments on the adoption front, as well. Our Social Worker contacted me via email last week to ask about the form the physician sent in for our health records. On it, she had listed under OTC, RX, and other Meds: folic acid 3 mgs, ASA 81 mgs. She asked me what I was taking these medications for. (I can see her wanting to clarify the baby aspirin, since it is a blood thinner, but folic acid? For crying out loud, it's a vitamin, lady!) So I wrote back that I was taking folic acid because my Dr. feels every woman in her reproductive years should be taking it, just in case pregnancy occurs, it prevents neuro-tubal defects in the baby. And that I was taking baby aspirin because I have mutations of the MTHFR gene which is a blood clotting disorder. She immediately responded, "Could you please have your Dr notate how this clotting disorder will affect your ability to parent a child (or not)? I'll send the form back to you to have her do this."
Seriously?? Now I know that it probably sounded pretty ominous to someone not in the TTC/IF world, but c'mon now! My ability to parent a child??!! If anything, it will make me a better parent, because if I am severely injured, I won't bleed to death, and can continue caring for my child while my vessels clot right up!
I responded to her to say, "Just to clarify, the clotting factor is one where I clot TOO much, not that I don't clot, i.e. hemophilia. I only recently discovered I had this because I asked my Dr to run the tests to see if I would be at risk for miscarriage if I ever did get pregnant. This is a clotting disorder that is most often found in women who have recurrent miscarriages, because the woman will clot between her uterine wall and the placenta of the developing baby, where there should be constant blood flow. Had I not specifically asked for the tests, I wouldn't even know I had it! So it definitely has not affected my overall health in any way, but I will have the Dr notate this to make it official for your records."
I do see that I am being slightly too sensitive when it comes to this SW/Adoption stuff. But I just can't stand how judgemental the whole process is! I need to pray about this...
We also went to another Educational Meeting last night. This is our 3rd of 4 required meetings. Most couples attend them after they've been approved, but we decided to start going right away in February. Last night's was about communication between the adoptive parents and the birthmom/birth families. They started with a video that showed a bunch of different birthmoms telling about their experiences in giving their children up. What those last moments with their babies were like, how they feared whether they'd ever be "ok" with the decision... it was very emotional, but also maddening. All I kept seeing was how one-sided it was. What about the adoptive parents? How about their fears of the b-mom changing her mind? I do understand that it's important for us to sympathize with the birthparents in this situation, please don't get me wrong. Maybe I was just too PMS-ey last night to be sympathetic.
After the video, there was a panel with 2 adoptive moms telling about their adoption stories and about their level of openness with their b-moms. One of the a-moms had not one, but TWO failed placements before her son came home with her. She didn't ever actually bring either of the other babies home, but in both cases the b-mom changed her mind after the birth of the baby. The SW who lead the discussion last night then gave us the very sobering statistic: 7 out of 10 birthmoms change their minds after the birth of the baby. 70%!!! This particular SW was a b-mom SW, so she counsels the b-moms during the adoption plan and after. She discussed how they offer continuing counseling for the b-moms regardless of whether they go through with the adoption or if they change their minds. She said there are a lot of "tears" shed, because when she changes her mind, they are sad for the adoptive parents but overjoyed for her. (Again, I was getting mad at this... do they offer counseling for the a-parents after a failed placement?? What kind of support and comfort can they offer to them?) I just kept thinking, as heart-wrenching as it must be to give a child up for adoption, you know it is always your child, and that you made a selfless, loving choice for its future. Yet, for the prospective adoptive couple after a failed placement, there is no solace in the fact that you made a selfless, loving decision (you didn't make the decision at all), and there is no hope that you will have another child in the future.
I know that the SWs don't ignore this issue, and obviously they must see the suffering of the a-parents with so many failed matches and placements... they can't be completely heartless! Especially since most of them (with my agency, anyway) are adoptive parents, themselves. But it just irritates me that we are "educated" all about the birthmoms, and what the process is like for them during this journey, yet no word is uttered about what it will be like for us.
Yup. It's CD 1.