Thursday, March 12, 2009

Surrendering, Hydrocort, and Hematology, Oh My

OK, so I finally finished Sew's book, "The Surrendered Wife," and without giving too much away for those who haven't read it yet, it was a real eye-opener. I started surrendering when I was only halfway through it, and it's amazing the things I'm noticing already!!

For one, the book recommends that when your DH "resists" your surrendering control to him, because he's so used to you telling him what to do, how to do it, etc., you need to dig your heels in with the comment, "Whatever you think." Sure enough, I discovered that DH asks me A LOT about what he should do. Where to park the car, what treat to give the dogs, what dessert to order on the menu, etc. etc. (yeah, I know, surrendering has shown me just how much I used to control my poor DH, omg!!)
Anyway, I started telling him "Whatever you think," and last night the whole plan almost blew up!!

He asked my opinion on what to put on his pizza, and when I said, "Whatever you think," he goes, "Is that something your book told you to say? You've been saying that an awful lot lately!"

I turned beet red! Doh! I've been found out!

So I just turned around (my back was to him at the time), and after a long pause, replied, "Just... go with it."


He then told me that he actually liked it, that it made him feel like his opinion was worth something. (I swear, he hasn't read the book- - but this line is almost verbatim in the book!!) So, it must work for something!

He's also ALWAYS been so sweet with little gifts here and there, but I think I've started to notice them more, if that makes sense. Like, he bought me 3 candy bars this week alone!! And on one of them, he wrote a little note and left it in the car so I would find it when I went to work... before surrendering, I may have not accepted the gifts graciously, or complained that it was Lent and he shouldn't get me candy, or that with the extra dollars he should just put it in the piggy bank, etc... but now I'm just loving how many things he does for me on a daily basis :)

I also tried the whole "Express your Desires" thing by stating what it was I wanted, but not stipulating how I wanted to get it. My brush broke a while ago, and while brushing my hair one morning with the broken brush, I just said aloud, "I want a new brush." Yesterday, he came home with a new hairbrush for me, saying, "I heard you say you wanted one, right?" Granted- - it's not the type of brush I would have picked out for myself, and previously, I'm sure I wouldn't have received the gift graciously, but the end result is it gets the job done, and it combs out tangles, so what do I care if it's not EXACTLY what I wanted? Intimacy with my husband is more important than belittling him when he went out of his way to make me happy.

OK, next line of business- the Hydrocort. I spoke with Dr Hilgers nurses at length today, and the bottom line is he still very much wants me to try the Hydrocort treatment next cycle. He explained (to his nurses who then explained to me) that it is a very low dose with no link whatsoever to cancer- - and that it would be used to 3 months at which time I would re-evaluate my symptoms. Then it is only used until a pregnancy is achieved, so it's not an indefinate thing. That made me feel a lot better. BUT, I think I may not tell my mom that I'm taking it since she's still SO nervous about it. Is that horrible?? I just know how cautious Dr Hilgers is with all of his treatments- he wouldn't just take this lightly as an "experimental drug therapy," kwim?? I truly trust his judgement on this one- I feel like God has done such amazing things through this man already, and that he wouldn't allow his treatments to harm women. But my mother doesn't quite have that same trust in his as I do. (She actually had the nerve to remind me of the time I was a teenager and the Drs wanted me to go on the pill for my irregular bleeding and she was "firmly against it." Um, yeah, first of all I ws 19. Second of all, that was NOT Dr Hilgers!!)

Third line of business: I made an appt with a hematologist for Monday. I just want some additional information on this MTHFR from someone who actually specializes in blood, clotting, etc. So we'll see what he says. He was recommended to me by a Dr friend of mine who works at the same hospital- he told me this guy is the best in the State! (I think I'm secretly hoping he'll put me on Lovenox, because I don't think baby aspirin alone is going to get me pregnant.)

I'm looking forward to having our own "surrendered circle" here online once all of us have read the book! The financial part will be the toughest for me, but I think I thought of a way to do it that won't destroy our future! It will need to be a SLOW surrendering in that department, though.


Sew said...

Congratulations! I am so happy for you!! I can't believe verbatim out of the book how my husband responded either! It is amazing! His sweet things he says to me. I would have never picked them out as being romantic because they aren't how I would be romantic. But for him they are romantic and now I GUSH everytime I hear him! I can't even contain myself! ;)

Receiving graciously! I love it! Now I just accept it and move on. :) Surrendering to my husband (when I do it) helps me surrender to God as well......Trusting that these two people do not want to harm me.... :) The relationship goes hand in hand.....

I can't wait to hear about your hematology appointment! Very exciting! Hydrocort bring it on! Give me drugs!!! :)

barbie said...

That is wonderful about your DH. I married into a family that firmly believes in the headship of the husband and I have to say it's an amazing way to live. So much less stress on me and we get along so very well! Dosen't being this way make YOU a happier person? It does, it works!

who wrote the surrendered wife? I've not heard of that one!

about the cortisol again. Dont' fret about it! I've been on it for a year! it's only dangerous in high levels, no where near what you'll be taking! it's becoming more and more accepted! Dr Jefferies literally wrote the book on cortisol with "Safe uses of cortisol" get it, read it! I will seriously put your mind at ease!

Karey said...

Okay, how do I get on the list to get this book? Can whoever is last send it to me? I definitely have been feeling called to this lately.. and after reading your post, I'm sure I'm supposed to read it.

I can't wait to hear what the specialist has to say!

Amy @ This Cross I Embrace said...

Thanks, Barbie. Your comment last time really made me re-think getting the 2nd opinion my mother wanted me to get... but I think I will get her that book!
I asked Dr H's nurse today if he's seen some successes yet with the Hydrocort (knowing he only started using it a few months ago), and she said YES, that many women have achieved already, just after a couple of months on it. So that was encouraging!

Amy @ This Cross I Embrace said...

AYWH, I have "the list," which I'm supposed to send along to the next person with the book. I'll add your name to the bottom of it. Be forewarned, it's traveling slowly, though!

prayerfuljourney said...

Glad you liked the book. Some of that book has helped my dh and I out too especially financially. My dh is pretty independent and doesn't ask me a lot of questions about what he should do, if anything,,,it's the other way around. He is confident. I attribute his strength to the fact he loves the Lord and his mother died when he was 14 so he had to make decisions. His father was not exactly there for him at that age. So anyway...I was raised quite the parents made a lot of decisions for me and they were always guiding me. I guess being the baby of five children...I was protected. He's pretty good at letting me know when things are my decision and that is that especially where IF is concerned. My hubby doesn't do the little gift surprise thing...but I bet he'd like it if I did that for him sometimes. Tonight he's coming home to a strussel cake...does that count? Keep up the good work with surrendering and keep loving. I pray all your appts go well too! :)

LifeHopes said...

I want to read the book, too!! But I don't think I can wait til it makes its way to me ... so I think I'll just buy it myself!

I seriously really feel called to read it, just like AYWH said.

I can't wait! I think I'll buy it off Amazon today!!!!

I was actually chuckling to myself as I read all your examples of the times your DH asks for your input ... its the same here! And then there are days when I just can't think straight (usually due to IF), and I just shrug my shoulders or something, and say "whatever you think" ... and sometimes its like he's a deer in the headlights!! (especially when we're at a restaurant, ordering food) ha!!!!

I need to do this more!!!

Praying for Hope said...

For those of you who are interested in reading some of The Surrendered Wife now, you can read excerpts from it in Google Books (,M1 - click on Preview This Book). TCIE, your husband is a sweet man, and being able to see the love in the small things he does for you is a wonderful thing. I think the small, everyday gestures are more touching the big, splashy ones myself. I love when my husband comes home from the store with avocados for me because I like them, or does the dishes, or sneaks a snack into my lunch. It's incredible to realize that anyone would love me so much that he wants to make me happy every day. Enjoy every moment of it!

Living Advent said...

I'm looking forward to reading the book. I know Mr. W looks to me for just about everything when we're together because I'm so particular and that's something I need to get over!

I don't think it's horrible to keep the treatment from your mom. If it's going to get her upset then she'll probably get you upset and we all know about extra stress when trying to make babies. I think you have to do what's best for you. Not that I'm any good at that - my mom freaks out at a lot of things and I stress over telling her stuff all the time. LOL! You and your mom are in my prayers.

Hafsa said...

What a great post on marriage, I loved it! I can't wait until I get the book.

I hope things go well with the medications and I'm praying for you.

Vent-ilation said...

The book arrived from Am.a.zon last week. I need to get reading!

Glad to have you back.

Lisa said...

I just found your site. I have SO been there with the infertility and the Napro and stuff. Our discernment led us to jump out of the "pursuing fertility" avenue a little quicker, though. We went through removal of endometriosis and tried Clomid, HCG injections and Naltrexone before discerning a call to adopt. Now we are parents of an adorable 16-month-old whom we adopted at birth. We are in the process to adopt again. Just decided to shift our financial resources there since we had such a great experience the first time around. But you are working with the best, so I hope things go well for you!!

Mrs. Mike said...

I'm right there with you re: the cortisol therapy. Dr. H just sent the letter to me last week suggesting this therapy. Feels both exhilarating and a little crazy all at the same time. Exhilarating because it's something we haven't done before, but crazy because it's largely untested. Good luck to you!