Today is Feb. 17, 2009. I don't know why I've never written to you before, but today I felt the sudden urge to do so. Maybe because the reality of you is just now starting to sink in. Maybe because I can feel you inside me. I don't mean physically, but emotionally. Whether you are growing in my womb or in my heart, I just know that you are growing at this moment.
Your daddy and I are full of hope this month. One way or another, we know that you will find your way to us soon, and that we will find you. It fills my soul with joy to think of your tiny organs forming, and beginning to work on their own. You are safely tucked in a warm, nourishing environment as I type this. And before you were in that space, you were being formed by Our Creator. And if you remember someone cradling you and rocking you to sleep while you were still in Heaven, that was your great-grandmother, who joined God in Heaven 1 month ago today.
You see, you have so many people, both living and passed, who have loved you before they even knew you. Probably no one more than your mommy and daddy. We have endured years of disappointment, heartache, and suffering, but for you, we would multiply all of that pain in a second. Our love for you has also helped us to make one of the greatest sacrifices we ever could make: we have refused to let our desire for you dictate how and when you were to come into this world. We have resisted technologies that would compromise the dignity of your very being, and we have respected your right to be conceived in a natural manner. In doing so, we have respected your siblings, as well. We love you SO MUCH, that we would rather wait decades for you than to do anything that could compromise your health. In fact, we've gone above and beyond to ensure that if you are conceived physically in my womb, you will have the healthiest start to life possible.
Words cannot adequately describe my love for you, my dear, sweet child. You have been in my thoughts and prayers since the time I was a child, myself. Your father has done everything short of moving mountains to help you to come into existence. And we both are entirely devoted to raising you to be, above all else, happy, healthy, and holy.
Some day in the future, there may come a time when you question your existence. There is no guessing what type of cross God will entrust you to bear. But I want you to know that we will always be here for you. While we may not be able to carry your cross for you, we know that the cross we have carried to get to you will give us the tools we need to prepare you for yours. We hope that you know that nothing you do could ever break our love for you. It is our love for you that brought you here, after all.
We will continue to pray for you all the days of your life. May you always know the love that surrounds you, the love of your mother, your father, and of God.