...that's what I told my husband this afternoon, when I was driving back from my u/s, and gave him the good news that not two, but three follicles had ruptured. He is absolutely convinced that we are pregnant. So, I figured, hey, why not go with it? And so?
The babies need some cannoli, honey.
And he went and got me three cannoli. Oops, I mean, the babies. He got the babies three cannoli. And as I scarfed one down, I said, "Baby A thanks you."
I didn't share this story yet, but now's probably a good time. I was at CCD on Monday, right after seeing the u/s where two follicles had ruptured. And the chapter we were covering was about Jesus healing Jairus' daughter. We learned about how Jesus can and does heal everyone, but that it wasn't JUST because Jesus is the Son of God that Jairus' daughter was healed. It was because Jairus had unfailing faith in Jesus. Even when his neighbors came to tell him not to bother the teacher, because his daughter was already dead, Jairus persisted. And Jesus told him that his faith saved his daughter.
Whoa. Now I know this past week at Church was about healing, too. But as I was reviewing this lesson with the kids, I couldn't help but think that the lesson was more for me than it was for them. After all, they're in 4th Grade. They aren't used to disappointment the same way I am.
Another page in the Chapter was all about suffering. Again, the words jumped out at me in big bold letters: "God's plan for creation did NOT include suffering and illness." I really had to stop and absorb those words. He did NOT PLAN suffering. He did NOT PLAN illness.
For all of the times that I've been "hopeful" for a pregnancy in the past, was I truly putting undying faith in the Lord? Was I FEARLESS, like Jairus, trusting that Jesus can heal my body and help me to become pregnant? Or was I hesitant, always holding back a little bit for my own sanity at the end of the month?
I must admit, I haven't been like Jairus. Sure, I've hoped and prayed. But I don't think I ever felt, "I am pregnant. That's all there is to it, because I asked Jesus, and in Jesus all things are possible."
Yes, I understand that we won't always receive exactly what we ask for from Jesus, but that shouldn't stop us from believing that we will, right? Isn't that what I was supposed to glean from this lesson?
So, I will be praying all week that Jesus has healed my body, DH's body, and helped us to achieve a pregnancy. And most importantly, I will BELIEVE in my heart that I am already pregnant.
After all, I must be. The babies were already craving cannoli :)