Last night DH had to drive me to and from CCD since our other car was in the shop. While I was waiting for him to come pick me up, I decided to go spend some time in front of the Eucharist (my parish doesn't have an official day/time for Eucharistic Adoration, but the church's side door is just always open). I prayed much like my Grandmother did before she got engaged to my Grandfather- - I asked God to help me decide what I should do. Keep TTC? Start adoption? Both? Neither? I needed something concrete to go on, and more importantly, I needed him to speak to DH, as well, since he has not been ready to look into adoption yet (maybe because it wasn't our time yet).
I only had about 5 minutes with Jesus, but I spent that time thanking Him for all of the gifts I so often take for granted.
I should back up and say that I went ahead and started some VERY PRELIMINARY research into domestic adoption on Friday. Not that we're ready to go that route yet, or even that we've ruled out international, but it just seems that the domestic adoption process may be a better fit for us at this point in time.
While researching (and pulling my hair out, I might add... how do you find the right "fit" when it comes to an agency??), I remembered seeing an adoption agency ad next to my ad for the Catholic IF Support Group in "The Catholic Spirit." I opened the paper to that page, found the webpage, and went to it.
At first, while reading the list of resources and services they provided, I navigated away from the page. I had read "embryo adoption," and decided since I don't personally agree with that, then I couldn't in good conscience work with a group that supported it.
Later that day, I went back to the site. I read their mission statement. It was all about wanting to find homes for babies that would otherwise be aborted. It was focused on seeking out the very best Christian homes for these babies. It's priority was to discover adoptive families whose Christian faith was part of their daily lives, not just a once-a-week church attendance.
So I figured, why not? Just sending away for material doesn't mean I HAVE to work with them.
Then today, their letter came. Their BEAUTIFUL letter. With a pre-application. I asked DH to read it, telling him about the "signs" - (the fact that their ad was right next to mine in the paper, and that I had asked God the night before for a sign about what to do). After reading the letter, DH said, "If we were going to adopt from any agency, I would want it to be an agency like this one." He also added that he had never really been interested in adoption until after reading that letter. God spoke to his heart!
We spoke a little longer (I'll spare you the boring details), and we've decided that God may just intend for us to start this journey now. We will keep TTC with meds until August or so (when the majority of Dr Toth's patients would have conceived, which is 9 months after treatment)- but in the meantime, we can get started with this. We realize that it could feasibly be a 3-4 year wait for a Caucasian infant.(We haven't ruled out bi-racial or African-American infant, either, but we would need to pray for guidance on that one since we want to put the child's needs first. It could be very difficult for a black child to have white parents, when other black children he sees have black parent/s. I know that it can and has been done, but like I said, we would want to take the utmost care and responsibility with a decision like that, and not be whimsical about it.)
Anyway, the conclusion of our talk is that I will be sending out the pre-application this week! I am soooo nervous and excited! Please pray for us!