Friday, January 9, 2009

Our Sex Life is a MESS!

{Today's post talks candidly about sex. Parents, please be advised.}

I know I already posted today, but I just watched Oprah's show about tips for a better sex life, and had a MAJOR epiphany. My sex life is a mess!!

I've already realized before watching the show that TTC sex leaves a lot to be desired. There are just so many things that need to happen in certain orders, and other things that cannot happen (I'm trying to not be too vulgar and explicit here). Anyway, I think we can all relate to the fact that infertile sex has become much more like a science experiment than about physically bonding with our spouse.

But at the end of today's show, the sex-pert spoke about how the bedroom itself needs to become a sexual haven, somewhere that you feel comfortable expressing your love for your spouse openly and freely. She said to cover up the television (we don't have one in the bedroom anymore), get rid of the pictures of Grandma, and make sure it's somewhere that makes you feel in the mood.

If you could only SEE my bedroom right now. It is a disgrace. And I mean it. The dirty laundry pile has increased exponentially since I've been gone, and I can never seem to keep ahead of laundry, so the pile is just always there (sometimes smaller than at other times). We changed the battery in the smoke detector last week, and so the chair DH used to do that is still sitting smack in the middle of the room. My laundry basket full of CLEAN clothes is also in the middle of the room. Basically, since the bedroom is the place guests don't see, it has become the place where I throw everything and anything when I need to clean up the house in a rush. And on the wall right next to my side of the bed? A Papal Blessing with a big picture of the Pope, and an 8x10 framed photo of my great-grandparents from Italy. Nothing gets ya in the mood more than the Pope and ancestors, eh?

I have some SERIOUS work to do, people!! No wonder I haven't enjoyed TTC. As comfy as my bed is, I really dislike being in my bedroom. And I've had Zero ambition to tackle that gigantic job. But it really is a must.

Oprah's sex-pert had some other really good ideas (homework for spouses), if anyone wants to check it out.

Of course, it's too bad they only spoke about the genital relationship when they were highlighting the sexual relationship. Fortunately, we all know that a sexual relationship is much more broad and fulfilling than just the genital relationship. But I honestly don't think I can do anything well in SPICE with my bedroom in its current state.


Hafsa said...

This is in reference to your last post, what a sad but hopeful story! My heart goes out to you that you went through that experience, but look how strong it has made you. Do you think you would have become a CrMS instructor? This is the path that God has chosen for you because he knows your strength was needed for so many of us to see His will be done.

Now for this post: good gosh, I know what you're talking about, our bedroom is such a mess, you've shamed me into cleaning it right after I write this to get DH in the mood :)

Vent-ilation said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vent-ilation said...

This post has me cracking up! Our bedroom, too, has a kitchen chair in it from changing the smoke detector battery last week! And piles of laundry! Luckily we haven't become robots to the calendar -- yet.

prayerfuljourney said...

I don't get around to watching Oprah anymore. The priest at my church mentioned last weekend that Oprah did a show on finding happiness and not once was it mentioned to find happiness through God. I found my happiness in God and faith. What else could there be? Oh, my bedroom is clean and the only pictures we have are of us. We do have a tv which will stay where it is. It helps us to relax after a long husband watches and I listen.

Teresa & Connie said...

Our bedroom IS a sexual sanctuary and it's STILL hard to get in the mood since we HAVE to have sex certain times of the month. I just wanna get drunk, have some crazy wild sex with my hubby and then pee on a stick 2 weeks later and see 2 lines. Isn't that every girl's dream? haha.

Yeah you gotta get the Pope and your grandparents outta there STAT! That's almost as bad as the cat or dog on the bed staring at you while you do your stuff. :)

Sew said...

The best sex we have is not in our bedroom! Schedule a surprise somewhere around that time at a hotel with a bar! :) If not get busy on the kitchen floor, who said it has to happen in the bedroom? ;) ;) Make sure you don't put the Pope in the kitchen!!

I definatley know what you mean though...Its a mix for me. Sometimes its a chore and sometimes is a nice surprise. Its not bonding all the time. I like Beth's perfunctory (SP?)line....I hope she reads this post and comments!! Its hilarious!!

I received a belly dancer outfit at my lingerie party before we were married, I put it on and came out and my husband said take that shit off now!!!!!!! I can't stop laughing. I guess belly dancers don't do it for him!! hahahaha

LifeHopes said...

I agree with Sew Infertile -- the best sex isn't in the bedroom!!!

We've been known to do it on the living room floor, on a blanket,in front of a fire ... if you don't have one, try some candles!!

Hmm... I have other suggestions, too ... but, well, ... maybe not on a blog!!!

Life In Mazes said...

I agree with Lifehopes and Sew Infertile. The best sex happens outside the bedroom! I guess that is one of the perks of having no children in the house yet!
There are some inprovements I can make in removing some pics from the room too! I usaually try to keep the laundry out of the bedroom, but there is always a few leftover pieces lying around!

Amy @ This Cross I Embrace said...

Sew... the Pope IS in the kitchen, too!! Lol- he's on the fridge (a little prayer card). How funny, I have to de-Popize my house now :)

JellyBelly said...

you're being too hard on yourself!

i used to be a loyal oprah watcher, but i've fallen away from the show since the start of this season. honestly, i don't need anything else to worry about!

i agree with the others that sex outside of the bedroom is always more exciting! TTC really takes the romance out of spontaneous nooky and i have to stop thinking about sex as a job.

you definitely need to get the pope and the grandparents out of your bedroom! the only photos in our room are of us AND we also don't have a television in our room. i refused when my hubby moved into our house. i watch enough TV already, i don't need to have one in my bedroom!

Sew said...

I might actually start scheduling sex. That makes so much sense. You don't have to in the beginning of a relationship but you have to once you are around each other all the time. I agree with that...I think that's a great idea!!!

Sew said...

Wait I schedule it around O time every single month. But I mean weekly Saturday mumbo jumbo in the sack sex! :)