Originally I was planning on saving this post until tomorrow, since January 10th is the day I remember much more vividly. But in an effort to move past the negative and cling to the positive, I will choose to memorialize January 9th, 2008 instead.
So it is 1 Year today. 1 year ago, at about 6:00am, I peed on a stick (2, actually), and for the first time ever saw the word "Pregnant" appear before me. I was P+15, and 16dpo... and finished my hCG injections at P+9.
I got a text message from a girlfriend online who was also battling IF (she is now due in a matter of weeks, having conceived naturally shortly after her 2 Year mark while awaiting IVF), and I texted her back a picture of the tests. So, she was the first to know.
I went to work, and couldn't tell you ANYTHING that happened that day. I was on cloud 9, and nothing bothered me. I drove straight to my Dr's office after work, with the test in my pocketbook. Walking in without an appt, I asked the secretary if she could squeeze me in for 5 minutes, because I had "big news." I pulled out the test to show her. Secretary at MorningStar- second to know. Dr. came in immediately after hearing the news, gave me a hug, and had b/w done for me. Dr. and nurse at MorningStar- third and fourth to know.
When I got home, I called the hotel suites where DH proposed to me to make a reservation for that Friday. The plan was to decorate the room with baby paraphenalia (balloons, teddy bears, etc) and surprise DH the way he had surprised me when we got engaged. Lady at hotel- fifth to know.
Then I went online and posted a message on the message boards. Ladies on the message boards- sixth to know.
I was due September 15th. It's funny the little details I still remember. It wasn't a real pregnancy, so why do I remember these things? Why can't I erase them all from my memory?
Maybe because I'm not supposed to forget. Maybe God was trying to show me, if only for a day, what pregnancy would be like. And maybe that means I will never be pregnant. But maybe it means that I will. I'm not sure yet.
I am putting a lot of stock into this cycle. I would have done so, anyway, it being the first cycle since Dr. Toth's treatment. But now knowing I may have an opportunity to conceive while my Grandma is still here makes my determination even stronger. I am literally going to do everything I can, including putting all of my hope into it. I TRUST that my prayers will be answered. I TRUST that God will bless us this month with a pregnancy. I TRUST that all of this is according to God's perfect timing.