Friday, January 23, 2009

Nearing the End

It would seem, from the little blog-stalking I've done so far today, that we are all in a massive "Ticked Off at Our Bodies" state. Add me to the list.

Yesterday's March went really well. We did a rosary on the bus ride down, and some of the older people got in to speak with our state respresentatives in the legislative buildings, so that is promising.

But at our first pit-stop to use the restrooms, I wiped and saw some oh-so-familiar "discoloration." It's not brown, it's not red, but it's like a dark, dark yellow... like the color of urine mixed with you-know-what. An obvious sign for me that if it weren't for the prometrium, I'd have started my period today or tomorrow.

(I saw it again this morning.) And I am just so, soooo mad. There are women on my Dr Toth email group who have also worked with Dr. Hilgers, and they were able to get pg very quickly after treatment... so why not me?? Plus, if it wasn't a part of God's plan for me to be pg this cycle, why did I need to lose my Grandma? It just doesn't make sense to me at all :(

I just called in our cyclical antibiotics to Dr. Toth, and will need to take Zithromax for the first 10 days of my cycle, get this, EVERY cycle we are TTC. I hate my life.

I also think I'm going to re-fill my Femara Rx, and take that again this cycle. I realize I'm making my own treatment plan in doing so, but ya know what? I'm tired of everything happening on the days when my Dr's office is CLOSED! I would need to take the Femara on day 2 of my cycle, so I think I'm just going to do it. I'll wait to speak with her about re-starting the Metformin, though.

I suppose the only good news from my week (aside from the March) is that The Catholic Spirit, our Diocesan newspaper, contacted me to write an advance about the Catholic Infertility Support Group starting next month. The journalist was very nice, and quick to tell me he had never written about this subject for the 23 years he's been a journalist. I gave him loads of info about infertility, Creighton, NaPro Technology, etc- his poor head is probably spinning right now :) Then, on the bus ride yesterday, they handed out this week's Catholic Spirit, and I saw that my bulletin ad was already in it, nice and big on the same page with the Adoption/Foster program ads. They put a really nice picture of the back of a couple holding hands, the wife leaning her head on her husband's shoulder.

And then, after the March while walking back to the bus, I had an All You Who Hope moment! I was speaking with one of the women from my parish (I was, I believe, the only person under 70 from my parish!!)- her name was Ann. She commented about how nice it was to see young people there, and that she was so glad I decided to come with them all by myself. I said something along the lines of how my husband would have come but couldn't take off from work, and she calls out to her friend, "Hey Sophie! I thought she was a teenager, and she's a married woman!!"
Anyway, we started talking more, just the two of us, and she asked if I had a family at home. Something told me to be completely honest about my situation with her, so I said that we had been trying to get pg for quite some time. And SHE said, "Oh, I know how that is! My husband and I couldn't get pg, either. We adopted our two children." Whaaaa???!!! How crazy is that?!! She then proceeded to tell me that adoption was a little "easier" back then because there were a lot of unwanted babies, and not as many abortions (not NEARLY as many abortions, since it was before Roe v. Wade). She also said that she would pray for me, and that she knew medicine had come very far since the time she was infertile. I told her briefly about how I was seeing a NaPro Dr, a field of medicine created by a Catholic ob/gyn.

But how weird, right?

So I suppose my January 25th prediction is a bunch of bologna. I am devastated. But what can we do besides pick up and start all over again? At least now I won't have to feel guilty about being pg at the first meeting of the IF Support Group.


Sew said...

Yeah, because I would hate to have that guilt on the first day of the support group! Ha! I bet they would wonder why you were beaming when you are talking about how you can't get pregnant! Looking at your pooch in the mirror! hahahahaha! Sucking on a pickle handing out IF flyers!

I would kill for your skin on those antibiotics though! Hell I might just put me on some to see what the F&^% happens! I am so ticked!

Do you think I have low progesterone? Please diagnose me! I don't care if your wrong. You remember my Vag dryness. Yay the 70 year old woman that took over my body this past cycle. Well I read that is a sign of low progesterone. And now I have all this spotting. ? What do you think? This was a better O than last time. I promise you can diagnose me, you alwasy seem to put me at ease after we talk about the "possibilities". :)

Amy @ This Cross I Embrace said...

Sew, a little-known fact is that the corpus luteum (the follicle after it has ruptured) not only produces progesterone, but also continues to produce estrogen. Usually there is much more progesterone, however, and with progesterone, the woman will generally observe dry days. But another cause of dryness is very low estrogen levels. If you were to see dryness pre-Peak, you'd know there was an issue with estrogen or estrogen receptors. But post-Peak, we tend to assume the progesterone just "takes over" the estrogen. BUT, if it is a weak corpus luteum, it's producing very little progesterone AND very little estrogen... and your pre-menstrual spotting seems to point to low progesterone levels.

I'd call your Dr to see what he can do for your post-Peak support next cycle. The problem with low prog. and pre-menstrual spotting is you start spotting before you even have a chance to implant, so you want to make sure that if you actually ARE achieving pg, that you can implant and be able to test to find out about it. (Not to freak you out.) So definately see what he can do for your next post-Peak phase, ok?

Sew said...

You rock!!!!

I am going to the screet and getting progesterone! I might sneak me in a rock to calm my IF nerves!

KC said...

I'm so sorry! Yes, today has been a bad day for all our catholic IF-ers. I'm sorry that it seems like it didn't work this month. Especially after everything you have already been through.

Know I'm sending some prayers up for you!


LifeHopes said...

I am sorry. I am frustrated for all of us right now.

It is interesting you had that conversation with that older lady ... maybe it was a little message from God reminding you that you aren't alone, women have gone before us in this, and, as she pointed out, we are in a much better position than they were because of all that we now know about IF. (not that it's helping ME one iota, but you know what I am saying!)

I can't believe you have to take those antibiotics forever! AHH!!! IT's so not fair what we have to go through.

E said...

I am so sorry about your not so good signs. Maybe God has another plan for you?!?!?! I am so proud of you starting the IF group. When are you having it? I can't seem to get myself together emotionally to put together the group. I am so proud of you that you were honest about your IF and also was encouraged and even complemented on your youthful looks. That is something to be thankful for. I think maybe your system in still calming down from the antibiotics. DT said that he sees an increase in pregnancies 4 to 6 months post full treatment. Your body is still healing. Give it the time it needs and make it a perfect place for a little TCIE to grow!

Vent-ilation said...

Maybe you'll have a baby next January 25?? I know.. my cycle should be ending any day now.. I hate the day or two before.. just come already and be done so we can start over! And to quote someone I love, "the reason we fall is so we can get back up." Oh, and I love your blog layout.

Teresa & Connie said...

Man I am SO sorry this shit is happening to you! 2009 isn't exactly turning out to be that great...damn!

The older lady that had to adopt made me want to cry. It gave me chills too. How awesome that you met someone like that. And that she thought you were a teenager?? We need some pics of you stat dude!

Teresa & Connie said...

Oh I forgot to say that I read your progesterone comment to Sew. She told me to cuz it was so helpful to her. Man you are SO knowlegable! Do you mind if I bug you sometimes like I bug Sew if I have questions about Creighton?