It would seem, from the little blog-stalking I've done so far today, that we are all in a massive "Ticked Off at Our Bodies" state. Add me to the list.
Yesterday's March went really well. We did a rosary on the bus ride down, and some of the older people got in to speak with our state respresentatives in the legislative buildings, so that is promising.
But at our first pit-stop to use the restrooms, I wiped and saw some oh-so-familiar "discoloration." It's not brown, it's not red, but it's like a dark, dark yellow... like the color of urine mixed with you-know-what. An obvious sign for me that if it weren't for the prometrium, I'd have started my period today or tomorrow.
(I saw it again this morning.) And I am just so, soooo mad. There are women on my Dr Toth email group who have also worked with Dr. Hilgers, and they were able to get pg very quickly after treatment... so why not me?? Plus, if it wasn't a part of God's plan for me to be pg this cycle, why did I need to lose my Grandma? It just doesn't make sense to me at all :(
I just called in our cyclical antibiotics to Dr. Toth, and will need to take Zithromax for the first 10 days of my cycle, get this, EVERY cycle we are TTC. I hate my life.
I also think I'm going to re-fill my Femara Rx, and take that again this cycle. I realize I'm making my own treatment plan in doing so, but ya know what? I'm tired of everything happening on the days when my Dr's office is CLOSED! I would need to take the Femara on day 2 of my cycle, so I think I'm just going to do it. I'll wait to speak with her about re-starting the Metformin, though.
I suppose the only good news from my week (aside from the March) is that The Catholic Spirit, our Diocesan newspaper, contacted me to write an advance about the Catholic Infertility Support Group starting next month. The journalist was very nice, and quick to tell me he had never written about this subject for the 23 years he's been a journalist. I gave him loads of info about infertility, Creighton, NaPro Technology, etc- his poor head is probably spinning right now :) Then, on the bus ride yesterday, they handed out this week's Catholic Spirit, and I saw that my bulletin ad was already in it, nice and big on the same page with the Adoption/Foster program ads. They put a really nice picture of the back of a couple holding hands, the wife leaning her head on her husband's shoulder.
And then, after the March while walking back to the bus, I had an All You Who Hope moment! I was speaking with one of the women from my parish (I was, I believe, the only person under 70 from my parish!!)- her name was Ann. She commented about how nice it was to see young people there, and that she was so glad I decided to come with them all by myself. I said something along the lines of how my husband would have come but couldn't take off from work, and she calls out to her friend, "Hey Sophie! I thought she was a teenager, and she's a married woman!!"
Anyway, we started talking more, just the two of us, and she asked if I had a family at home. Something told me to be completely honest about my situation with her, so I said that we had been trying to get pg for quite some time. And SHE said, "Oh, I know how that is! My husband and I couldn't get pg, either. We adopted our two children." Whaaaa???!!! How crazy is that?!! She then proceeded to tell me that adoption was a little "easier" back then because there were a lot of unwanted babies, and not as many abortions (not NEARLY as many abortions, since it was before Roe v. Wade). She also said that she would pray for me, and that she knew medicine had come very far since the time she was infertile. I told her briefly about how I was seeing a NaPro Dr, a field of medicine created by a Catholic ob/gyn.
But how weird, right?
So I suppose my January 25th prediction is a bunch of bologna. I am devastated. But what can we do besides pick up and start all over again? At least now I won't have to feel guilty about being pg at the first meeting of the IF Support Group.