Friday, January 2, 2009

Gone for the Weekend

I may be able to check in, maybe even post, while away, but I'll be going back home to NY to visit Grandma before she goes in to Calvary on Monday. (It is a huge comfort to know how well-respected Calvary is among hospices nation-wide.)
From what I've heard, she is doing amazingly well. She has made her peace with leaving this world, and is being so incredibly strong.

I did want to post a TTC update which has me once again feeling bi-polar. On the one hand, I am completely distraught about losing my Grandma. But then today I emailed Dr Toth to see if I can POSSIBLY TTC this cycle, since I will O about 1 week before my meds are due to finish. He responded YES! He added, "I'm not that bad of a guy." So I will not miss this cycle after all, and may even have a good shot at getting pregnant! Oh God, please!

The reason I feel particularly optimistic about this is because of a "sign" I received the other day. I discovered in a Christmas card from DH's aunt that his cousin and his new wife already have a baby. (They got married last fall, and the baby looked at least 4-6 months old, so it had to have been a honeymoon baby.) Well, I recently got active on F.acebook, and found this cousin on there. His baby's name is Rose. I messaged him to say the baby was precious, a late congratulations, and also that I loved the name, as it is my grandmother's name. He responded: "It is my wife's grandma's name, too. We named her that because we found out she was pg the same day we returned from her grandma's funeral. We immediately knew it was a girl, you know, the whole circle of life thing."

I have this crazy feeling that MAYBE my story will pan out the same way. My last hope is that I will be able to tell my Grandma before she passes that her prayers for us have worked. But one thing I know? If God's plan for us was to not achieve pg until my Grandmother was up in heaven to use her powerful prayer from up there, then I am very, VERY glad we had her here for the past 2 1/2 yrs. I would never trade that time with her for a conception in "our" time.

Here is my wonderful, stubborn, opinionated, faithful, loving, strong Grandma:


Sew said...

OH Amy, I am so sorry! Enjoy your time! I am so excited that you are able to try this cycle!

Even if you fall pregnant after Grandma joins Jesus, she might be able to care for the baby before it's mission on earth begins....

Praying for your Grandma as she prepares to see the face of God....Praying for you!!

Unknown said...

Hello Amy. My name is Yvette. The Lord always plugs things and people into our lifes at the perfect timing. I don't ever understand why things happen, but I have begun learning to accept what has been given to me.

I would like to say that I accidently came across this site. But it is not. The Lord guided to me to your blog. I too am a 27 year old and a teacher (in Texas however) who has been trying to conceive for a really long time-3 years. As I read through your blog, I could not help but cry because I felt like I was reading my life through another person. The only difference is you sound very postive with this journey you are experiencing.

I too had a lap Dec. 19 for endo ablation. I wish so bad to get pregnant this cycle, but who knows what will happen. I am not telling DH that I am going to try as he too gets disappointed. I am praying and begging to the Lord to please just give me one.

It's odd how I really thought conceiving would be easy. I mean all my relatives seem to have NO PROBLEMS at all! I mean, I have younger cousins and my brothers whom have 4 kids already!

Amy, your profile that states that the Lord has given you the gift of infertility was moving for me. Thank you so much for openly sharing your experience with the world and not being ashamed. I have been ashamed. I hid the fact through keeping my self occupied and working towards masters degrees and publications.
I admire your acceptance of the fact and admire your desire to continue TTC.

I will include you in my prayers. Maybe we both can be lucky this month! Dear Lord, please.


PS. I am also catholic, leo, rooster, teacher, infertile.

JellyBelly said...

i hope that you have a good trip to see your grandmother. i hope and pray that she has a good transition to hospice care.

btw, my grandmother's name was rose too. :)

Hafsa said...

Thta is a beautiful story, and I'm amazed at how well you're handling the stress of everything. Your grandmother looks beautiful. Blessings to you and your family.

Vent-ilation said...

I thought that was you on FB... saw your pic when I posted a happy b-day to karey. Anyway, have a wonderful trip with your grandmother! She looks like an amazing woman. It reminds me of my relationship with mine. She is a huge devotee to St. Theresa and it is amazing how roses (the actual flowers and even people) come into her life as little messages and beacons of hope.

Stacy said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog! I love to read what God is teaching others and the journey He has each of us on - whether we want to be on it or not. I look forward to reading more.

God is faithful - even when He is silent, He is faithful. Blessings to you in 2009.

E said...

OH MY! I really really hope this is your month, especially after everything you are going through. My you be filled with peace and love.

Karey said...

Your grandma is in my prayers. I am so sorry. I hope your visit goes well.

LifeHopes said...

I just wanted you to know that I prayed for you yesterday during mass ... and for your grandmother.

I hope your time with her was beautiful!

Can't wait for some updates!

PS - totally unrelated -- the word verification that I had to type to get this comment to post is "SPERM" -- hmm... is that a sign or what?? This could be your month!