Wednesday, January 21, 2009


Girls, I want to thank you all for the prayers. The wake and funeral were truly beautiful. I sang along with my dear friend who used to be musical director of the parish, and we chose all of Grandma's favorite songs (Be Not Afraid, On Eagle's Wings, You Are Mine, Ave Maria- Schubert, Pie Jesu, and I Am the Bread of Life). At first I was unable to sing, watching her coffin come down the aisle. Luckily, I was the harmonist... but even then, I was so worried I wouldn't be able to get through the Mass. I prayed for strength from Mary, a little tip from my friend, which helped tremendously, but then came Ave Maria and I just lost it. My friend sang this one as a solo, but immediately afterwards, I needed to be prepared for my solo in Pie Jesu. I received Communion, crying the whole time, and on the way back up the stairs to the choir loft, whispered a prayer to my Grandma: "Grandma, if you want this to sound halfway decent, I need you to help me through it!!" I literally stopped crying immediately, and just at that moment, we were ready to begin the Pie Jesu.

I think she really would have loved everything about her wake and funeral. It was absolutely perfect. And the poetic ending to it all is that she was laid to rest next to her husband who she ADORED, on what would have been their 63rd Wedding Anniversary. (He passed 23 yrs ago.)

In my home now is the gorgeous statue of St. Ann with young Mary that belonged to my Grandma. I promise to pray to the image of this powerful Saint in honor of all of you.

I will be going on my first March for Life in DC tomorrow, and I'm really looking forward to it. I'll be sure to also offer prayers for each one of us while in the presence of all of that faith. It will be overwhelming, I'm sure!!

As for my cycle, I am P+9 today, and just got my P+7 b/w done today. I was going to forego it altogether, but my Dr said she can still "use" the information from P+9. I'm due for the blood pg test on Saturday, which means I won't have those results until Monday. More waiting, and of course, lots of pressure because I would love to say that while one very important person left my life this month, another joined it. What I do know is that St. Therese has been working miracles all around me and answering every single one of my prayers. Every time this past week that I uttered the words, "Please pick a rose from the heavenly gardens and send it to me with a message of love," I've had the realization that my heavenly Rose was the very best Rose I ever could have received. My Grandma has been the answer to my prayers, and for that, I will forever be thankful. She is the rock of our family, and the reason for my faith. I am who I am because of her.

I had some very slight spotting at P+5. Possibly due to the antibiotics and healing still...? It was only once that day, and not since then. I'm so tired of trying to read into my cycles, just when I think they are getting more "normal" looking, something else goes wrong. And I still have all this PC and 6PC in the post-Peak. I thought maybe that would disappear after Dr Toth treatment. Oh well.

In my dream last night, I did dream of my baby. Not pregnancy or even labor, but somehow I knew it was my newborn baby. The weird part is, my DH and I both have blonde hair, and the baby had the DARKEST black hair you've ever seen!! I believe it was a girl, too.

Again, thank you for the beautiful words and prayers that you offered me over the past several days.


Sew said...

I love the song choices! I think AYWH is going to D.C. as well! I wish I could go!!!

Glad you home safe and sound!

JellyBelly said...

i'm so glad that you're back. and i agree with sew, the song choices were amazing!

you and your family continue to be in my prayers.

Life In Mazes said...

So glad you are back home and doing so well. Those are some of my favority songs, too. Your grandma obviously had excellant taste :)
I will be praying for you in these days ahead and look foward to hearing how things turn out! Hope the bloodwork comes out great too!

Unknown said...

I'm so glad you are home. "On Eagle's Wings" is one of my favorite songs! I'm sure your Grandma & Grandpa were holding hands smiling down during the whole time!

Praying for you always!


P.S. I have a box of stuff I need to mail to you! :)

E said...

I am so glad you were able to draw from your strong faith to get you through these last few days. I hope you have a great trip tomorrow! Still praying for your miracle! BTW-I also have my grandma's statue of St. Anne. Too weird!

andnotbysight said...

I'm so glad that you were able to sing for the funeral! That took courage!

I feel terrible that I missed your last post--I don't know how that happened! This one came up in my google reader, and I was so sorry to hear the news. I'll be praying for you and your family.

prayerfuljourney said...

We all know that your grandma is happy in heaven now and maybe she is now working with Jesus on a little miracle for you!! That is awesome that you sang at her funeral. That must of taken some courage considering your own grief. I used to sing in church choirs and I even sang solo at one of my brother's weddings. Not sure I could do a funeral. I'm sure your family was touched.
I'm on the same day of prometrium you are. Unfortuantely, this month it's making me sick, literally! I'm P +10 today too, three more pills to go. Yoohoo...I think it's wonderful that your dr will see you on P +12! I wish you lots of baby blessings. By the way,,,,the 25th of Jan is my hubby's bday. We are putting off celebrating until the next weekend because I haven't been feeling well. Last month I didn't feel well either and we missed Christmas with his family. This will be my last month of prometrium pills.

LifeHopes said...

It all sounds so beautiful. I was tearing up as I read this!

I cannot imagine having the strength to sing amidst your sorrow. You must have really been held together by a power greater than yourself!

Now your grandmother lives on to pray for you and the rest of your family. Who knows the miracles that are in your future?!!!

Have a wonderful day at the March for Life!!!

Beth said...

I find it amazing you were able to sing at all :)

And how beautiful that it would have been your grandma and grandpa's 63rd wedding anniversary! Wow that brought tears to my eyes.

Jodi said...

Ames, I am SS for your loss...I didn't know what was going on. I just had time at work now to start blog-stalking you again. I'm going to say some extra prayers for you and your family.

Sew said...

How was yesterday! Funny how we didn't see a thing about it on the news! Go figure!