and a Happy, Fertile New Year to all of my blog friends :)
I was so proud of myself all day yesterday (Christmas Eve has always been the "bigger" holiday for my family. My mom's Italian, so we do the whole 7 fish dinner thing.) Not once did I break down, even while opening gifts, and wondering if we'd ever get to watch our child opening gifts. Then all my sisters went home, and it was me, DH, and my parents.
While watching some caroling on tv, my mom showed me a book she had put together of all kinds of homemade cards and letters we all had written when we were little. (Letters to Santa, Father's Day cards, etc.) I had seen most of them before, and it's so funny to go through all of them and see just how much our personalities shone through in our childhood "work."
Towards the end of the book, I saw a paper I had never seen before (well, not since I did it anyway). I recognized my handwriting right away. It must have been when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. The paper was titled "Thinking About the Future," and the very first question was, "When you grow up, if you could be anything in the whole world, like a firefighter, teacher, astronaut, etc., what would you be?"
My answer? "A Good Mother."
Looking at my innocent handwriting spelling out those words, I felt the hot tears starting to well up in my eyes. I always knew that I've wanted nothing more than to be a mother since I was a little girl... but actually seeing it IN WRITING was too much to handle. Later in the questionnaire it asked, "When will you consider yourself to be grown-up?" The answers were, when you get your license, when you can drink, when you own a house, etc., and my answer was When I get Married.
Memories of elementary school came flooding back while reading that paper. I remember thinking I couldn't wait to get married... not even just for the sake of having a husband, but mostly so that THEN I could finally start having children. It's been pretty emotional for me today, after reading what I wrote. I did have to excuse myself when we got home from Mass to have a good cry in the bathroom. I'm feeling a little better now... I just hope and pray that 2009 will bring the one thing my heart has desired from the time I was 7 years old.
I hope all of you have been enjoying a very blessed Christmas. I prayed and lit a candle for all of you today (well, not one candle for each, one collaborative candle for the group... I'm not Rockefeller)! May God Bless all of us and bring us His everlasting peace.