Saturday, November 8, 2008

Pregnancy after Infertility

The clock is ticking until I begin my final treatment for infertility. (Well, that's what I'm considering it now, but who knows, maybe I'll need another selective HSG like Charlotte, and if that's the case, if my outcome is anything like hers I won't complain!) But I am thinking a lot about what is to come. My mind has taken a drastic turn from wanting to pursue adoption seriously (in August) to now being full-blown determined to achieve pregnancy. And I know that God has lead me to this decision. But in truth, I know it can and will take a good amount of time to get there.

After my 10-day treatment, we will be given oral antibiotics for about 3 weeks. After that, we may be given cyclical antibiotics to take every cycle we TTC. But we won't be able to "try" again until we get re-tested, which is about 3 wks after the orals, and the results of that take another 3 weeks... we're looking at late January/early February when we can START TTC again. And then in most cases I know Dr. Toth recommends you give it about 9 months for your immune system to fully recuperate. So, we may not actually achieve pg for another YEAR! Still, we remain hopeful. Why? Probably because I know now that I will have done EVERYTHING possible to get there.

There really is no doubt in my mind that we will get pregnant- - and now that there is an actual end in sight, I feel so much better about it. Either we will achieve in a year or we'll pursue adoption. End of story. MUCH better than "When and if we achieve... maybe in a month... maybe 4 years... maybe never..." Of course, there will come a time when we will have to mourn the loss of having a biological child, before we would move on to adoption. That's just how I envision doing it right now- right now, I couldn't see us going through adoption while still TTC. Only 3 months ago, I was able to picture that. But for both logistic reasons and financial reasons, I think it's better if we wait. I truly, TRULY believe in my heart right now that I will be pregnant within a year's time. It may be silly, naive, or just plain stupid of me to think this way, but I just can't accept the fact that my body will be completely HEALED of EVERYTHING, and STILL not do what God designed it to do. Nuh-uh. Not gonna take that one lightly :)

So in looking forward to my impending pregnancy, I decided to begin my research of prenatal care, parenting, etc. The first step was to deal with the many emotions I may face as a woman pregnant after infertility. This category of women has always been of interest to me (well, since IF anyway), because I find it even more isolated than infertility itself. Women who share in infertility have a common thread. Women who are pregnant, nursing, or parenting (having never dealt with infertility) have a common thread as well. The common thread of the 1st often involves a resentment, jealousy, and longing for the common thread of the latter. But for those in between? They belong to neither thread.

I found this article on the subject, which, if you have the time, is really a worthwhile read. I was going to post it in full, but it's pretty long:

I am hoping that God is kind to us, and provides each of us here (CathoblogIFers. I just made that up.) a "partner" with which to share our 'Pregnancy after Infertility.'

OK. Those are my deep thoughts for tonight. Goodnight all!


Jeremiah 29:11 said...

GREAT article! Thanks for sharing. I have friends who experienced multiple miscarriages. They ended up purchasing equipment so they could hear the baby's heartbeat anytime they wanted from home! Praise God that pregnancy ended with a healthy girl. :)

Sew said...

What a great article! The thought of pregnancy is sending me in a tale spin. Eyes wide open.

LifeHopes said...

I would LOVE to be Charlotte's partner!

Of course, we are all here for her still, even though we aren't pregnant yet - still rooting for her and cheering her on!

She's one of us in spirit, and we watch her longingly and lovingly as she moves forward -- oh I pray we will all experience that soon!

Also, thanks for this post. Your writing is very honest, and made me think of something I rarely contemplate - the difficulties of pregnancy after infertility. I can't wait to read that article!

Also, great idea - let's just call ourselves CBIs! (Catholic Bloggers with Infertility)

Hafsa said...

Such an honest post! I'm not gonna lie though, I still struggle with possibly never being able to conceive on our own, but just as you feel you are being led to biological motherhood, I feel the opposite. Isn't that funny the way God can lead many of us int he same direction then split tha paths? I am constantly praying for all of us :)

p.s. CBI's is a great name lol

Sew said...

I definately agree with you! I often wonder if you show a teenager how to chart, if that in someway makes them more aware of the gift of fertility? Have you ever seen a teenage charter? I definately will teach my daughter to chart! :)

CBI in da' house!! You need a little logo that has that for us to put on our blogs. :)

Beth said...

I definitely think pregnancy and parenthood after infertility is VERY different than those things without infertility. I think it's better!

I really believe I'm a better mother after going through 4 years of infertility than I would have been otherwise. I also think I enjoy her more and appreciate every minute with her!

Vent-ilation said...

Great article! Something else I've observed in my friends who've had kids -- the one who dealt with infertility has been super-supportive of us, even as she's carrying baby #3 now, while most others seem to treat my IF like the white elepant in the room or like it's no big deal. Maybe dealing with IF makes you a more empathetic person in general.

Off topic, but TCIE, I saw on your "history" that your husband has taken Proxeed Plus. What did you think of it, what did drs say about it, what are the OTC brands, etc..? Also, isn't there something called Pre-Seed, too, more of a lubricant? My DH has slight motility issues and I'm wondering about vitamins, etc... he is slightly reluctant to try what he sometimes calls my "voodoo" remedies, so I'm gathering as much info. as I can. You can e-mail me off the link on my blog, if that's easier. Thanks!

JellyBelly said...

fantastic article! i honestly don't know how i would react if i were to actually become pregnant, but i'm sure there will be A LOT Of worry if the time does come.

and yes, CBI is a good name! i can picture t-shirts!

Sew said...

Yes, T-shirts would be great! Especially when we all get together for a girls weekend, (not planned yet but I know we have all thought of it) we can all be a lot of white elephants in the room! :) So what brings you to so&so, Oh we are catholic and infertile. :) hahahaha I understand that white elephant thing! Fantastic!

Sew said...

Okay so I was playing around with the CBI on my blog and this is what I came up with. You have all rights to the slogan, it is yours. If you are working on something I will erase it! :) Jumping the gun a little? What do you think? What needs to be changed? I was thinking Napro needs to be put in there as well...but this is a start. :)

Fight The Good Fight of Faith said...

Great article, it really hit home with the fears and anxiety. Thanks for posting.

Teresa & Connie said...

I love your blog. Didn't know you were out there! Your hope is so comforting and encouraging. Thank you!

Fight The Good Fight of Faith said...

I remembered you posting this article and I had to go and read it again. It's just unbelieveable how true some of this is.

God Bless you TCIE!