The clock is ticking until I begin my final treatment for infertility. (Well, that's what I'm considering it now, but who knows, maybe I'll need another selective HSG like Charlotte, and if that's the case, if my outcome is anything like hers I won't complain!) But I am thinking a lot about what is to come. My mind has taken a drastic turn from wanting to pursue adoption seriously (in August) to now being full-blown determined to achieve pregnancy. And I know that God has lead me to this decision. But in truth, I know it can and will take a good amount of time to get there.
After my 10-day treatment, we will be given oral antibiotics for about 3 weeks. After that, we may be given cyclical antibiotics to take every cycle we TTC. But we won't be able to "try" again until we get re-tested, which is about 3 wks after the orals, and the results of that take another 3 weeks... we're looking at late January/early February when we can START TTC again. And then in most cases I know Dr. Toth recommends you give it about 9 months for your immune system to fully recuperate. So, we may not actually achieve pg for another YEAR! Still, we remain hopeful. Why? Probably because I know now that I will have done EVERYTHING possible to get there.
There really is no doubt in my mind that we will get pregnant- - and now that there is an actual end in sight, I feel so much better about it. Either we will achieve in a year or we'll pursue adoption. End of story. MUCH better than "When and if we achieve... maybe in a month... maybe 4 years... maybe never..." Of course, there will come a time when we will have to mourn the loss of having a biological child, before we would move on to adoption. That's just how I envision doing it right now- right now, I couldn't see us going through adoption while still TTC. Only 3 months ago, I was able to picture that. But for both logistic reasons and financial reasons, I think it's better if we wait. I truly, TRULY believe in my heart right now that I will be pregnant within a year's time. It may be silly, naive, or just plain stupid of me to think this way, but I just can't accept the fact that my body will be completely HEALED of EVERYTHING, and STILL not do what God designed it to do. Nuh-uh. Not gonna take that one lightly :)
So in looking forward to my impending pregnancy, I decided to begin my research of prenatal care, parenting, etc. The first step was to deal with the many emotions I may face as a woman pregnant after infertility. This category of women has always been of interest to me (well, since IF anyway), because I find it even more isolated than infertility itself. Women who share in infertility have a common thread. Women who are pregnant, nursing, or parenting (having never dealt with infertility) have a common thread as well. The common thread of the 1st often involves a resentment, jealousy, and longing for the common thread of the latter. But for those in between? They belong to neither thread.
I found this article on the subject, which, if you have the time, is really a worthwhile read. I was going to post it in full, but it's pretty long:
I am hoping that God is kind to us, and provides each of us here (CathoblogIFers. I just made that up.) a "partner" with which to share our 'Pregnancy after Infertility.'
OK. Those are my deep thoughts for tonight. Goodnight all!