Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Weird Dreams

This makes 2 nights in a row. I've heard that B6 vitamin can give you vivid dreams, which certainly explains all the times I was in the 2WW and assumed I could be pregnant due to the vivid dreams. Anyway, I'm not saying they mean anything... in fact, I have a pretty good idea that they are coming from the type of television I've been watching lately. (I've watched "Adoption Stories" and commercials for "The Locator" pretty often.)

So, 2 nights ago, I dreamt that I was single again, but that I was a HS teacher or administrator who had slept with one of her ex-students 2 years before. I remember in the dream that all of the students and parents were outraged to find this out, and wanted me to be put in jail (even though the student was 19 and I was 21 at the time). The clincher? I had had a baby with this guy, and I guess in order to keep it hush hush, gave it to him to raise. So, in the dream, I was about to see my baby for the 1st time in 2 years. It was a girl, and she was BEAUTIFUL! The guy was black, so the baby was bi-racial (I think this was lifted right from an Adoption Stories episode)- she had the biggest, roundest eyes, precious curly hair done up in bows... she was just to die for. I remember that in the dream, I was just supposed to be visiting my baby. She kept calling the guy's new GF "Mommy" and it was literally breaking my heart. I woke up with a frog in my throat, from "dream-crying" as I call it. (I know, this is completely insane, but there's a theme about to emerge, give it a minute.)

Then last night, I dreamt that I adopted a newborn baby girl. Somehow, someway, the Drs had found a way for me to breastfeed the newborn, even though I had never given birth or been pg before. So in the dream, I was contently holding this darling little baby girl, trying to breastfeed, but she wouldn't "take." I was getting really nervous that she wasn't eating, and couldn't eat... so I brought her to the hospital, where they took her from me to go run tests. (My sister was with me at this point.) Well, hours went by, and finally my sister decided to go find these Drs and where they took my baby. Even MORE hours went by! Just as I went to look for everyone, out came my sister with a nurse. The nurse gave me the news that I would have to "return" the baby, because it had some congenital heart disease, and was dying. I broke down, but kept saying, "No, I'm not giving her back, it's my baby!" The nurse said that the Drs that allowed the adoption wrote up her papers without mentioning the heart disease and that she only had a couple days to live... so because this was illegal, I had to return the baby. Again, dream-crying woke me up with a huge lump in my throat.

So, aside from the fact that I'm obviously sick in the head to have dreams like this, I see a recurrent theme centered around a) adoption, and b) baby girl. Last year, both me and my mother had dreams that I had a baby girl. (Truth be told, I really always wanted a baby boy as my first born, since we haven't had a baby boy in my family... ever. I'm the youngest of 4 girls, and my only sister that has a child has a girl.) But obviously after years of IF, I am not picky! I just wonder what all these dreams are signifying? Am I supposed to be giving up and going the adoption route? Am I supposed to keep trying, and God's telling me I'll have a baby girl? Are they just stupid dreams that have no meaning whatsoever?


Karey said...

Wow! Those are weird dreams! But I love dreaming about babies just because it always makes me wonder if it means something.

Isn't it so tough deciding whether to adopt or keep on plugging away at this? For the last three years (the amt. of time I've been contemplating adopting) I have felt like a pregnancy could be "just around the corner", but so far it hasn't been. If I started the adoption process a year into infertility, and say it took a year to go through the process, we could have had a baby for a year now! And what if it never happens? Will I feel like I wasted all this time? Probably to some extent. But I guess we just need to trust God. Maybe He is trying to put adoption on your heart right now. I'm sure you'll know soon enough if He is.

And by the way, I really want a girl (of course I'm not picky either..) but all my dreams are about boys!

JellyBelly said...

those are some crazy dreams! i've been dreaming about babies/being pregnant/breast feeding A LOT lately and i wake up every morning wondering what each dream means.

my cousin and his wife just adopted a little girl and they are just over the moon. it's a great way to grow your family, and definitely something we are considering in our future.

Anonymous said...

Hi there, thought I'd introduce myself before I added my comments...my name is Emma and I'm a fellow IF blogger. I was on a message board with "The Angry Infertile" and keep up with her blog now. Please feel free to check out my story...hope you don't mind sharing yours with me as well.
I've recently had some extremely vivid dreams as well. (In My Wildest Dreams post) I've started writing it down and it's really helped me understand what they mean...or at least get it touch with the possibilities.
I agree that dreams are an expression of our deepest desires and hopes. Visualizing our future is the ultimate positive thinking. Included with prayer, it has been a powerful tool for me. I've certainly got my difficult days, but they make me appreciate the good ones that much more.

Anonymous said...

Well of course I remember you now!! No, I haven't been posting on BZ lately...just reading. The boards started to seem extremely repetitive and somewhat depressing. That many people with almost no success just wasn't the environment I needed to be in. There are quite a few ladies (you included) that I really miss, but I feel funny coming and going.
Thank you for your prayers, that really means a lot! I'm super nervous...didn't think I would be.

Faithful Infertile said...

Ames, lay off the crack!!! It is not good for you or for the baby making!!! ;) Just kidding. You know I love you!

I think there is a baby girl in your future. Not sure which route you will get her, but you will. And, you'll be a great mother!!!

Hannah's Tears said...

Just reminding everyone about the Mass on September 8.

If you would like to add your names for the altar this is kept confidential and is not shared with the crowd... just placed on the altar as an offering to Our Lord during the Mass for Hannah's Tears.

May God bless you all, please let me know if you would like to be added.

[email protected]

Ps. LDN give people very vivid dreams, just an FYI.