What's new? I think I'll invest in a Jump To Conclusions Mat, because I'm pretty sure I'd be the champion. Then again, I have been feeling like a no-talent ass clown lately. Say hello to Lumberg for me. (Sorry, once I start I can't stop sometimes.)
Well my semi-normal post-Peak phase has taken a turn for the weird. 1st sign (which I originally discounted) was an 8BLx1 on Thursday (P+5, and 4dpo). 8BL is tacky, brown, and lubricative. The reason I originally discounted it (still charted it, but also charted PCAD, pasty cloudy all day) was because this observation was made (TMI WARNING!!!!) after a BM, and I accidentally wiped past the anus on the first wipe. So I'm not really sure if it came from the 1st hole or the 2nd. (I know, I know, this is nasty, but ya know what? You don't have to read it.)
Then today, I had a 10GKL (stretchy, gummy, clear, lubricative) which was only slightly gummy. So I'm back to the post-Peak peak type mucus. Blech! I'm so done with yellow stamps!! But here I am complaining about yellow stamps and continuous mucus when I just had my VERY FIRST CD 14 Peak Day. How selfish can I be in one cycle? One step at a time, ...
Today's homily was great. We had the first reading from Kings, where the Lord was not present in the earthquake, the heavy winds, or the fire, but in the tiny whispering voice after all of these things. Then the Gospel was Jesus walking on the water, and saving Peter when his faith faltered. Clearly excellent readings for us infertiles, just on their own. But then Father's homily spoke about how people always want to attribute natural disasters to God (i.e. insurance companies call them an "Act of God."), but that this is not accurate. God is not in the disasters, but rather in the quiet before the storm, and the peace and serene afterwards. He then mentioned how people always say things are "God's will" when it's a negative thing, like cancer. Illness is not God's will. I have to remember that, and remember the Gospel. So often I try to get through these failed months by saying to myself, "It is God's will that I not be pregnant now." Well, that's just not true! I truly feel, today especially, that God WANTS us to be pregnant! And when we attribute our illness, our failures, to God's will, we are faltering just as Peter did on that Sea. I need to embrace this cross, yes. But I also need to do it with FAITH and HOPE.
I think I've written enough to ponder on today. 'Til next time!