Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Few Random Thoughts

My mom's and grandma's birthday cards came in the mail today. My immediate family (Mom, Dad, sisters) all know about the IF... and I told my Grandma last Fall- she's been praying for us nightly since then. But my extended family has no clue (cousins, uncles, aunts)- which may not sound like a big deal, but my Mom's side of the family is Italian, so we are all pretty close and everybody knows everybody's business. So both cards (from my mom and grandma) of course said, "May all your prayers be answered" or something along those lines. I think they are both beginning to realize how painful this is for me. My birthday is no longer about my birthday, and celebrating myself. It's about another year coming and going. Another year older, without a baby in my arms. Without a life inside me.

In other news, I was recently on an Infertility Support Group online (I won't mention which one), and one of the women is now pg with triplets, via IVF. Her dilemma is now what to do with the 11 frozen embryos. She explained in her post that "they won't be trying again anytime soon," but at the same time, if she signs paperwork for them to be discarded, she'll always feel like she aborted 11 of her babies. On the flipside, she didn't quite feel right donating them, since they were fertilized (her eggs, DH's sperm), and then she would have biological children out there that she didn't know about. This woman was desperate for answers. Desperate to find a moral answer to all of this... how could she have "children" in the world and not be a part of their lives? But having suffered from IF for so long, how could she knowingly let her children die? At the end of her post, she asked, "Has anyone really thought about this in depth before their IVF cycle? What would you do in my situation??"

I didn't respond to this post. I couldn't think of a way to comfort her, because truth be told, I don't think there is a right answer for her. I wish I could have written something such as, "Yes, the Catholic Church has thought about this issue in depth before. And I, myself, have thought about the issue in depth." How can someone NOT think about these things in depth before going through IVF??

Again, here I am treading sensitive ground. I have dear friends, both IRL and online, who have gone through IVF. Some have succeeded. Most have not. All have felt that it was their only hope (and in most cases, Drs were telling them this... it's very, VERY hard to keep any kind of hope alive in your heart when a medical professional is telling you flat out that you will NEVER get pregnant on your own. And I truly do feel for these women in these cases.) But none of the women I know who underwent IVF tried NaPro Technology. I pray every night that NaPro becomes more mainstream... and maybe, slowly, it is:

Now that my own infertility health issues have been healed with my surgery, it would be very easy for me to go get impregnated with IVF. I may even have a very high chance of success, with no endometriosis to attack the blastocysts, and no partial blockages to threaten a tubal pregnancy. But in my heart, I know that NaPro is working, in its own time. I know that when I get pregnant for the 1st time, it will only be the start. And I will have even more hope of conceiving the rest of my children naturally in the future. Hope, I feel, is at the root of it all. Without it, we have nothing.

To close on a less sensitive subject, I'm so excited for "So You Think You Can Dance" tonight! Poor Kherrington is gone, of course (but she was kinda stinking it up last week... not that anyone else could have done better with that Country Two-Step). I like Joshua, Katee, and Chelsea, and Will best. Twitch is a close 5th, but I don't like when he tries too hard to "act" the part. He always just ends up sticking his lips out when he's acting serious, or romantic. And I'm really glad Will was paired with Katee, because he wasn't really able to shine with Jessica- with Katee, he's FANTASTIC! (But who isn't? That girl is amazing.) If you don't watch the show, you need to start immediately. Think of it as an American Idol where all the contestants actually HAVE talent and are versatile. And every moment is entertaining. Even just hearing Cat Deely with her odd pronunciations and accent (what part of England says "jidges??")
Tonight, 8:00pm, Fox. Be there, or be... lost the next time I post about the show.


Karey said...

Good stuff on IVF. To add to what you said, it got me thinking - the difference with those of us who are opposed to IVF is that even if it was our only option, we still wouldn't do it. If that weren't the case, our opposition to it would mean nothing. We're not opposed to it simply because we think NaPro works better (which it may, but that's not the point). We aren't doing it because we morally object to it, and we're just blessed that doctors like Hilgers have put their time and talents towards giving us another option. That other option, God willing, will likely one day be the obvious better option (even though we know it is now), because I think IVF is dangerous for more than just the moral reasons. We all know that doing what we consider right and following God is rarely the easiest path, and if I am told one day that IVF is my only option (I would have been told that already if I went to secular fertility specialists), I am blessed to know that it would never tempt me. Since I believe it is a grace that I am aware of why it is illicit, I pray for the woman you described. She is one of the many victims of IVF who are fed the information about it but are never told of the moral consequences ahead of time. Sure, people can think it out for themselves, but the truth is most people aren't Catholic and even Catholics aren't aware of why it is wrong. And when IF is clouding your judgment (and society is too), I know it can be tough, and money-hungry doctors don't make it any easier.

That being said, I am SO excited for SYTYCD! Twitch happens to be my favorite, and I'm so excited he's with Comfort now, but I like the rest of them (Katee, Will, Joshua, Chelsea) next. It's such a good season! Sorry for the long comment!

Amy @ This Cross I Embrace said...

No, thank you, I appreciate the comment. I stopped short of including thoughts in this blog like the ones you've just voiced, because I sensed the post would be viewed as offensive... especially since I have people on my blog list who have used IVF. And while I am not judging, and I know you are not either, often the first thing people think when they see a blog like this is "Catholic Judgement." But you put it very well in saying what you did, so thank you (sometimes I can't quite find the right words, but the Holy Spirit truly does work through you, I can tell!)

Karey said...

Ya, I just realized that I pretty much hijacked your blog earlier! Sorry! Feel free to delete it if you think it will cause any controversy. I know what you mean about things seeming judgmental. I truly, truly feel for women like the one you talked about who now has a difficult decision ahead of her.

Okay, have to go finish watching SYTYCD!

Hafsa said...

Very good post! Also I am HUGE SYTYCD fan, my husband and I love to make comments even though neither of us has a professional opinion :) I love Will too, he's my favorite and he's so good. i too am sad that Kherrington has gone home. No more Twitchington :(