Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Cycle Update

Let me preface this blog by denying that I am a stalker of All You Who Hope... but if you read her blog, you'll see why I'm saying that right off the bat now ;)

Yesterday, I had my first peak-type mucus observation of the cycle. It was also accompanied with brownish mucus, which is definately out of the ordinary for me. I think I only spotted ONCE around O time in the past, but that spotting was more pink/red, to my recollection. Anyway, this was just really weird, it reminded me of pre-menstrual spotting. I do know that bleeding associated with O can either come before O or after O, because it can be breakthrough estrogen bleeding (from high levels of estrogen pre-O) or withdrawal estrogen bleeding (when the estrogen drops off rapidly right at O or slightly after). So I'm not really concerned about it, but I just wish my body were more predictable after the surgery. Maybe I shouldn't overlook that I am much more "regular" now, and let's not discount the fact that I'm Oing without meds (yippee!!)... plus, this is only my second cycle post-surgery, maybe things will start to normalize more in a couple more months.

I am not going to invest so much in this cycle. Last month I did, and it was devastating. This time, I already have a plan for next month, and I've heard such great things about Letrozole working for people in the first couple of months, so right now my heart is just set on getting a July BFP (that's big fat positive, as in a positive home pregnancy test, for those of you who may not be trying to conceive).

Back to my mucus. Haha. (Stop reading now if you don't like vivid images of other people's vaginal discharges.) I have always had what I considered to be very "fertile" peak-type mucus, too. Stretchy, crystal clear, and lubricative. But yesterday's and today's were much more "gummy" than usual. Not as gummy as the picture of yellow gummy in the Picture Dictionary, but more like fresh rubber cement right out of the jar. It was so THICK in consistency, I had a hard time lifting it off the tissue to finger test (even though there was a LOT of it). When I finally succeeded, I noticed it was impossible to "break up"... this stuff was like bullet-proof armour for my cervix! Today's was not quite as tough, but it was still gummy in nature (yet very lubricative).
Any of you NaPro surgery girls out there get odd Peak-Type mucus in the months after your surgery?

Ok, enough about my cervix and its products.

I'm so tired of feeling like my physical relationship with my husband is a chore... I know there is something so beautiful and wonderful about selecting days of fertility for intercourse. We are acknowledging our fertility, and opening our marriage to the gift of life through God's will, and "possibly" procreating with Him every time we select those days. But lately (or even longer), it just feels like we are going through the motions, all of the tried and true rituals of conception. I hate that. I don't want my baby to be conceived that way, but at the same time, I don't know how to make it any better. The fact remains that there are certain days we are fertile, so we MUST use those days if we want to achieve... and after that, the pressure of it all just makes it seem like a science experiment. If anyone has any suggestions on how to improve this, I'd appreciate it.

So, hopefully I will O by this weekend. Monday would be even better, though, since I have an acupuncture appt. that day. I'll keep you updated, and of course, I'll be blogging more during the 2ww to keep my mind off things.


JellyBelly said...

i totally understand how you feel. there isn't a lot of spontaneity when you're looking at the chart and you know that it's "the day." before we started with the creighton method and i was using temperatures i felt like we were like robots. at least now i know when it is the right time!

Karey said...

You know how they say that when women are around each other all the time, they end up being on the same cycle? Well I firmly believe that somehow that happens over the internet as well! Lifehopes and I are usually on the same exact cycle day!

Speaking of the lack of spontaneity, do you ever find that he desperately wants to do it on every non-fertile day, yet you find yourself having to convince him when you absolutely need to do it? (maybe it's just me) I told him the other night that if I went through surgery - twice - then he can do it when he's tired!

LifeHopes said...

Ha ha! We are all living the exact same life.

P can get really desperate when we have waited like 10 to 12 days until our fertile window and it takes everything in me to convince him that we are waiting for a greater purpose.

And then, when it's game time, I find myself having to psych myself up because sometimes I'm just not feeling it.

I realize the beauty of cooperating with your fertility and using targeted days, but at the same time, sometimes it seems less beautiful when you've tried and failed so many times before. It's like someone took the magic out of it all ... because lately here - all I can think about is how "nothing we do will work anyway so why do it?"
Sorry for spewing my negativity out on your blog post! I think I'll go back over to my blog to finish this thought:)

Karey said...

Where in NY are you from? I know you might not want to say on here, but as far as general regions go... I grew up west of Albany, and we just moved from central New York. My husband is from south of Buffalo, so that's where the wedding is. Just curious!

Karey said...

That's too funny! My brother-in-law lives in Poughkeepsie. Have a safe trip home!