Let me preface this blog by denying that I am a stalker of All You Who Hope... but if you read her blog, you'll see why I'm saying that right off the bat now ;)
Yesterday, I had my first peak-type mucus observation of the cycle. It was also accompanied with brownish mucus, which is definately out of the ordinary for me. I think I only spotted ONCE around O time in the past, but that spotting was more pink/red, to my recollection. Anyway, this was just really weird, it reminded me of pre-menstrual spotting. I do know that bleeding associated with O can either come before O or after O, because it can be breakthrough estrogen bleeding (from high levels of estrogen pre-O) or withdrawal estrogen bleeding (when the estrogen drops off rapidly right at O or slightly after). So I'm not really concerned about it, but I just wish my body were more predictable after the surgery. Maybe I shouldn't overlook that I am much more "regular" now, and let's not discount the fact that I'm Oing without meds (yippee!!)... plus, this is only my second cycle post-surgery, maybe things will start to normalize more in a couple more months.
I am not going to invest so much in this cycle. Last month I did, and it was devastating. This time, I already have a plan for next month, and I've heard such great things about Letrozole working for people in the first couple of months, so right now my heart is just set on getting a July BFP (that's big fat positive, as in a positive home pregnancy test, for those of you who may not be trying to conceive).
Back to my mucus. Haha. (Stop reading now if you don't like vivid images of other people's vaginal discharges.) I have always had what I considered to be very "fertile" peak-type mucus, too. Stretchy, crystal clear, and lubricative. But yesterday's and today's were much more "gummy" than usual. Not as gummy as the picture of yellow gummy in the Picture Dictionary, but more like fresh rubber cement right out of the jar. It was so THICK in consistency, I had a hard time lifting it off the tissue to finger test (even though there was a LOT of it). When I finally succeeded, I noticed it was impossible to "break up"... this stuff was like bullet-proof armour for my cervix! Today's was not quite as tough, but it was still gummy in nature (yet very lubricative).
Any of you NaPro surgery girls out there get odd Peak-Type mucus in the months after your surgery?
Ok, enough about my cervix and its products.
I'm so tired of feeling like my physical relationship with my husband is a chore... I know there is something so beautiful and wonderful about selecting days of fertility for intercourse. We are acknowledging our fertility, and opening our marriage to the gift of life through God's will, and "possibly" procreating with Him every time we select those days. But lately (or even longer), it just feels like we are going through the motions, all of the tried and true rituals of conception. I hate that. I don't want my baby to be conceived that way, but at the same time, I don't know how to make it any better. The fact remains that there are certain days we are fertile, so we MUST use those days if we want to achieve... and after that, the pressure of it all just makes it seem like a science experiment. If anyone has any suggestions on how to improve this, I'd appreciate it.
So, hopefully I will O by this weekend. Monday would be even better, though, since I have an acupuncture appt. that day. I'll keep you updated, and of course, I'll be blogging more during the 2ww to keep my mind off things.